


The Reason (It Has To Be You)

by lo_anlurui



Series: To Be Free [1]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Swearing, makjang wooya, mention of car accidents, mild homophobia, original character death, wooya survive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-16 19:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4637694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lo_anlurui/pseuds/lo_anlurui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woohyun and Howon reconnect after a failed relationship. One’s never quite moved on; the other believes he’s moved on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Super gushy trolly mega lovey-dovey thanks to J who encouraged me to write this behemoth of a fic and put up with my pestering to read the WIP and comment - it's all because of you that this makjang wooya giant baby of a fic got written (is that a good or bad thing though >.>). I know Infinite/WooYa isn't really your thing, and you were really busy with RL and other fic exchanges but you always tried to make time for me, and I really appreciate that. Maybe I'll stop trollling you for...a week? :D/ A No-Trolling-Me coupon, just for you. 
> 
> Also to L, for being a lovely cheerleader and fangirling and encouraging me to continue - I know you always say how you can't provide ideas or comment very well, but I love your comments and I'm always glad to have them, they spur me to keep writing.
> 
> This was originally posted for the Season Three challenge on LJ. To the three lovely people who provided the prompts, especially Nami Tamaki's Reason, thank you! I have no idea how the prompts got shuffled, but by the luck of the draw, I got something I really enjoyed plotting and writing (: 
> 
> **Prompts:**  
>  1\. Quote: “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.”  
> 2\. Image: [image](http://zhxngxyi.tumblr.com/post/118386728138/gookgod-nglevinha-day-dreamers-huy-nguyen)  
> 3\. Lyrics: [Nami Tamaki’s Reason](http://www.kiwi-musume.com/lyrics/tamanami/makeprogress/reason.htm)

_That we met just like that was a miracle  
Believe in it once more_

 

“Patient’s vitals are dropping!”

“Patient has entered cardiac arrest!”

“Stand clear!” 

“Patient is not responding! Vitals dropping further!” 

Lee Howon bit back a curse and continued working on the woman in front of him, refusing to give up so easily. 

It was 11 pm on a Saturday night, and the Accident & Emergency Department at Seoul National University Hospital was a hive of activity, with a sudden flood of casualties of car accidents being carried in.

“Dr. Lee, you’re needed to attend to another patient urgently,” a nurse said hurriedly. “Male, estimated 3 years old, broken ribs that may have pierced his lungs, cuts and bruises.” 

“But–” Howon protested. “This woman is critical. Why isn't the kid in the Children's Emergency anyway?”

“Dr. Lee, the boy needs treatment immediately, and there isn't enough time to bring him to the other department,” the nurse repeated urgently. “Dr. Kim is on his way to help, I’ll get him to take over resuscitating this patient.” 

Howon heaved a sigh and reluctantly tore himself away, rubber soled shoes squeaking on the floor as he strode to the side of the little boy, changing his mask and gloves in the process. He could hear cries and groans of pain from the other patients awaiting treatment all around him, but he gritted his teeth and blocked them out, focusing on the boy in front of him, wailing at the top of his lungs. They’d have to wait. He had no choice. 

“Umma!” the small boy wailed, thrashing against the nurses trying to hold him down. “Umma!” 

Howon grabbed the identification tag – _Nam Joonhee_ – and bent over the little boy. “Hi, Joonhee,” he said soothingly. “It’s okay.”

The little boy took one look at him, gloved and gowned and masked, and cried harder. 

Howon sighed, pulled his mask down and took off a glove. “Joonhee-yah, look at me,” he said soothingly, using his bare hand to rub the little boy’s hand. “I’m Dr. Lee, and I’m going to help you to feel better, ok?” 

The small boy looked at him tearfully, clutching his hand tightly. “I want – I want – Mummy,” he hiccuped. “Hurts!” 

“I know it hurts, so I’m going to help you make the pain go away, and then Mummy will come,” Howon motioned for the nurses to slowly release the pressure on the boy’s arms and legs, continuing to rub his hand comfortingly. “I’ll stay with you until Mummy comes. Okay?”

Joonhee sniffed, and nodded, although he was still crying. 

Howon held his hand while he carefully examined Joonhee’s chest. “Joonhee, does it hurt to breathe?”

“A little,” he sniffed, clutching Howon’s hand tightly. “I’m s-scared.”

“You don’t have to be, I’m here,” Howon reassured him. “I’m going to give you something to make the pain go away.” 

Joonhee’s eyes went wide as he saw a nurse approach with a needle. “No! No!” He started to struggle, and burst into tears again as he jarred his broken ribs. “Hurts!” 

Howon quickly got on the bed behind Joonhee, holding the boy firmly in his lap. “Joonhee, if you keep moving around, you’ll hurt even more,” he coaxed the boy. “You’re a strong boy, aren’t you? It’ll just be a little prick, and then it won’t hurt anymore.” He stroked the boy’s hair. “And then Mummy will come and hug you.” 

Joonhee turned his face into Howon’s scrubs, shuddering. “Hurts…” he whimpered, but he stopped struggling. Howon gestured to the nurse to swab his arm, taking the needle from her and positioning it. 

“It’s just like a mosquito bite, Joonhee-yah, have you gotten a mosquito bite before? A little sting – and then it itches! But this one won’t itch...there!” Howon slid the needle in, quickly depressed the plunger and slid the needle out before Joonhee could react. “All done!” 

Joonhee blinked and gazed up at Howon confusedly. 

“You’re very strong,” Howon praised him, getting off the bed. “You didn’t even cry!” 

Joonhee clutched at Howon’s hand, refusing to let go. “Mummy?” 

“Mummy is…” Now that the painkiller had been injected, Howon could breathe a little easier. He looked around, only to find the assisting nurse look grim and gesture in the direction of another patient. 

The patient that Howon had been trying to resuscitate earlier, who had just flatlined.

“Time of death, 2321 hrs,” he could hear his colleague say. 

Howon swallowed past the ache in his chest and tried to put on a smile for Joonhee. “Mummy is sleeping,” he lied through his teeth. “Later on, when she wakes up, she’ll come to you. Now, Joonhee needs to sleep too.” 

He could only stay by the boy’s side until he nodded off, carefully pulling Joonhee’s chubby grip off his. “Get him x-rayed and then I’ll come back to tape up his ribs. Make sure he stays sedated,” he said before hurrying to the next patient.

(He was going to need a very stiff drink after this.)  
.  
.  
.  
3 am, and the flood of patients had slowed to a trickle, returning to the usual stomach aches, non-existent fevers, and the odd ache and pain. 

Howon had left for a quick break, and upon returning to the ward, was surprised to see a huge commotion at the waiting area, cameras flashing, security guards trying to form a barrier, several nurses and doctors surrounding an unexpectedly familiar figure. 

“I was told they were brought here! I need to see them now!” yelled the man. “Don’t you know who I am?” 

Howon walked over, feeling like he was in a dream. The man saw him and lunged towards him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Howon?! Are you – Did you treat them? What happened to them? Are they okay?” 

As Howon stared at the man in front of him, he suddenly realized why the little boy looked so familiar. 

_Nam Joonhee._ The name on the identification tag reappeared in his mind. _Nam._

But that meant – Joonhee’s mother – Woohyun’s wife - 

He didn’t know what he blurted out in a daze, but the next thing he knew he was on the floor, his cheek red and hurting, Woohyun above him, yelling hoarsely, the nurses and guards trying to drag him away, the camera flashes blinding him. 

Howon closed his eyes, but he could still hear Woohyun’s screams of rage. 

“You killed her, didn’t you?! You wanted revenge, because I broke up with you years ago, and you finally got your chance! You’re a murderer! So many years, and you couldn’t let go – and you treat our friendship like this! How could you, Lee Howon!” 

The screams grew fainter and the camera flashes stopped and someone pulled Howon to his feet, fussing over him and examining his cheek. But Howon couldn’t see anyone, couldn’t do anything except hear his words ringing over and over again in his ears, like arrows piercing his heart.

“How could _you_ , Nam Woohyun,” he said numbly. “How could you.”

* * *

“How could you, Nam Woohyun,” Lee Howon hissed, looking murderous. “How dare you!”

“What?” Woohyun looked innocent. “Everyone needs exercise. You should know that, you’re a medical student.”

“Everyone needs exercise, but not everyone needs to play tennis, and very few people should have to play doubles with an insufferable idiot,” spat Howon. 

Woohyun sighed. “I know, it’s so noble of me to sign up to play doubles with an insufferable idiot, but I try my best to do a good deed at least once a week–”

“Go die!” Howon lunged at him with his tennis racket, and would have clobbered him if not for Woohyun’s quick reflexes. 

“Yah, will the two of you just settle down and play already?” called out their opponent cheerfully. “It’s just a friendly tennis game, not like it’s a competition or anything~” 

Howon glared at the blue-haired too-cheerful guy. “You don’t understand, Dongwoo-hyung,” he complained. “Do you think he’s going to stop here? Oh no, he’s going to sign me up for a friendly competition next, and then try outs for the school team, and then the actual inter-varsity tennis competition!” 

Dongwoo’s doubles partner yawned. “So just give in and join the tennis team,” he said boredly. “Then Woohyun will stop bothering you.” 

“Or are you scared you’ll lose to me?” Woohyun smirked. 

“As if I’d lose to you,” Howon retorted heatedly. 

“Says the person whose high school team didn’t even make it to the finals,” Woohyun sang, twirling his racket. 

“I won all my games! My team sucked!” Howon gripped his racket and seriously thought about smashing a tennis ball into his annoyingly handsome face.

“And our team doesn’t. So you should join us!” Woohyun declared, clapping his hands.

“If your team doesn’t suck, then you should be able to find a good doubles player to partner you.” Howon shook his head. “Why do you have to keep bugging me?” 

“Because I want to play with you,” was the simple, oft-repeated reply.

Howon sighed and looked down at the tennis racket in his hands. He’d enjoyed playing tennis in middle school and high school, and had been told he was good enough to play tennis at university-level, but had chosen to give it up to focus solely on the pursuit of his dream to be a medical doctor. He’d studied hard and gotten into Seoul National University’s prestigious medical faculty, and he had originally intended to devote all his time to studying, leaving little time for food and rest. 

But on the very first day of school, he’d been accosted by Nam Woohyun who claimed to have seen him play in high school and insisted that he become his doubles partner. And no matter how much Howon asked, or argued, Woohyun’s reply was always the same. 

“I want to play with you,” Woohyun repeated. 

“But I’m not a doubles player,” Howon argued. “I play singles.”

Woohyun shrugged. “Just think of it as having less of the court to cover now. Isn’t that a good thing?”

Howon rolled his eyes. “I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“But it might be, you haven’t tried yet.” Woohyun pouted. “Just one game? Just one game, and I won’t bug you anymore if you really don’t want to play.” 

Howon sighed and looked at the tennis racket in his hands. If he was honest with himself, he’d missed the feel of gripping a racket tightly, the snap of his wrist as he nailed shot after perfect shot.

And if he was brutally honest with himself, the thought of playing with this insufferably annoyingly attractive idiot was somewhat tempting. He’d seen Woohyun play, and he knew Woohyun was talented. 

“I wonder how you got into SNU when all you think of is tennis,” Howon muttered. “Fine, I’ll play.” He glared at Woohyun. “But just this one game.”

“Sure, sure,” Woohyun said cheerfully, tossing a tennis ball to him. “Get up, Gyu-hyung, or Howon’s going to smack the ball right at you!” 

“Nah, Dongwoo can handle both of you by himself,” Sunggyu yawned. 

They got off to a rocky start, with Dongwoo scoring easy points off their bickering, but with every ball they missed, the fire in their eyes grew and their moves began to complement each other’s more and more. 

Sunggyu got up and started playing seriously when Dongwoo was down 4-2, but it was too late. Woohyun and Howon took the one set match easily, winning 6-2. 

“See?” crowed Woohyun to a panting Howon. “Isn’t tennis fun? Playing with you is fun!”

Howon stared at him incredulously. “But we quarrelled throughout,” he pointed out. “That’s fun?” 

Woohyun shrugged. “I like playing with you,” he said. “How about it? Play doubles with me?”

“Don’t I have to try out for the team or something?” Howon said, gulping water from a bottle Sunggyu tossed to him. 

Woohyun grinned. “Don’t you know who the president of the tennis club is?” he asked. 

“No?” Howon said. “Should I?”

Woohyun’s grin grew wider and he pointed across the net. 

“Sunggyu-hyung?” Howon said incredulously. “How can that be? He’s already the president of the medical students’ association.”

Woohyun snorted. “That lazy ass? Of course not. Dongwoo-hyung’s the president of the tennis club, and this was your tryout for the tennis team.”

Once again, Howon was rendered speechless. 

“So, Dongwoo-hyung, he passes, doesn’t he?” Woohyun crowed. 

“Of course!” Dongwoo said cheerfully, twirling his racket round and round. 

“Nam Woohyun, you - ” Howon gripped his fists tightly, wondering if he could get away with punching this idiot.

“Aw, come on, Howon,” Woohyun pleaded. “Just for a few games? Until you get bored. I won’t stop you when you want to leave later on.” 

Howon sighed. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Woohyun punched the air excitedly.

* * *

Howon sat in his office quietly, hands folded in his lap. His phone buzzed incessantly, but he didn’t move to pick it up.

There was a knock on the door and Kim Sunggyu entered, carrying a cup of steaming hot coffee. “Thank you, Gyu-hyung,” he said. “Sorry for the commotion just now.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Sunggyu clasped his shoulder. “That dumb Nam made such a fuss in a public space, now the media are going to have a field day with this.” He huffed. 

“It’s his wife and son, after all,” Howon said. “I didn’t realise it was them.” He lowered his head. “Maybe, if I did…”

“Hey.” Sunggyu flicked his forehead lightly. “I know you did all you could to save her. That’s our duty, as doctors. What he said was a complete lie.” 

“It may be a lie,” Howon said, “But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He watched his phone buzz and vibrate across his desk until it fell on the floor. 

“Who’s calling you?” Sunggyu asked. “Woohyun?”

Howon shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t really care. I’m off duty, anyway.” 

“Then, go home.”

“And brave the horde of reporters waiting outside?” Howon had peeked out of his window a while ago and shuddered at the sight. “No thank you. I’ll just crash here tonight.” 

Sunggyu yawned. “As you wish.” He stretched. “Ugh, I’m still on call for another 4 hours.” 

“Hyung, will you–” Howon faltered, then shook his head to clear it. “Check on Nam Joonhee, please. I know you’re not in the paediatric department, or A&E, but...he was looking for his mother.” He bit his lip, remembering the lie he’d told the little boy.

Sunggyu ruffled his hair. “I will, but you’re the one who has the magic touch with kids, not me. I’m just an amateur. You’re the pro.” 

“Try working for three years in the Children’s Emergency department, and you’ll become a pro too,” Howon said dryly. 

“No thanks, brats are not for me.” Sunggyu waved a hand. “Well, then, I’m off.” He left the room, leaving Howon alone. 

The phone buzzed again, and Howon kicked it into a corner of the room, where it vibrated loudly and then stopped. 

“Just give up, Woohyun,” he whispered. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

* * *

“We won!” Woohyun crowed, running towards Howon and clutching his shoulders, shaking him ecstatically. Howon tried unsuccessfully to hide his smile, pulling Woohyun’s hands away. It was their first official doubles match, after a month of squabbling and training (but mostly squabbling). They’d started out uncertainly, but soon found their rhythm, matching their footwork and moves, playing as if they were a single player. 

“Yah, let go, you’re heavy, sweaty and stinky,” Howon complained as Woohyun slung an arm around him as they walked to the locker room. Then he grinned evilly. “So, does that mean I can stop playing with you now?” Howon asked. 

Woohyun’s face fell and he looked stricken. “But - we won!” 

“So doesn’t that mean we’re done playing?” Howon said. “You said I could quit any time I wanted.” He ducked out from underneath Woohyun’s arm and walked into the locker room, untying the black & white folded bandana tied around his forehead to keep his hair from falling into his eyes. 

“But – But – we’ve only just started!” Woohyun protested, hurrying after him. “We still have to win the inter-varsity championships! You can’t give up now! Besides, wasn’t it fun?” 

Howon looked at Woohyun, who had his best puppy-dog expression plastered on his (stupidly handsome) face, and sighed. The past month had been tiring for him, juggling his readings and lab sessions and tutorials with training sessions and supper sessions (although he was pretty sure those weren’t compulsory). He had to admit though, that playing tennis was much more fun than being cooped up in the library with books for company, and snarking at Woohyun was far more enjoyable than rewatching another video of his lecturer droning on and on about organic chemistry. 

Besides, even though he had friends in his faculty, they were different from his tennis teammates. All of them were focused solely on studying hard, with good reason - the first and second year exams were notoriously difficult. Howon studied hard too, but sometimes he found himself wishing for friendships that didn’t revolve around discussing tutorials and sharing notes and scheduling group study sessions. At least with his tennis teammates, they had one common conversational topic that had nothing to do with studying.

“Studying still comes first,” he reminded Woohyun, who nodded eagerly, breaking into a giant grin. “No more supper sessions.” Those were the worst; Woohyun dragging him out after tennis practice to ‘the latest hip cafe’ for “some really cool dessert, I don’t know what it is but it’s cool” and then suddenly it was past midnight and Howon was behind on his readings and had an 8 am lecture the same day. 

Woohyun frowned. “But those are the best!” he protested loudly, and then quickly bowed apologetically when the seniors glared at him for being too loud.

“But time passes by too quickly, and I always end up super tired for lectures the next day,” Howon groused, opening his locker and pulling out a towel and wiping off the sweat on his face and body. 

Woohyun beamed a giant, shit-eating grin at him, lounging at the side of his locker. “Time passes quickly because you enjoy my company, right? Then shouldn’t we hang out more?”

“No,” Howon said firmly, slamming his locker door shut, his backpack firmly held in his hand. “I need to study.” He paused, wondering if he’d regret this. “You can accompany me to the library or when I’m studying. Supper sessions can only take place on Friday or Saturday, provided that we don’t have lessons or training the next day. And we can’t go out on both days consecutively.”

Woohyun pouted. “Fine. I’ll just have to be content with that.” 

Dongwoo coughed. “I’m not sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, Howon,” he said, flipping his racket in the air. 

Woohyun snatched his racket from its mid-air turn. “Excuse me, I’m a great study buddy,” he said primly. “Much better than you are.” He smiled sweetly at Howon, who looked at him askance. “I’ll bring tidbits!” 

“...no need for tidbits, we’re going to study in a library,” Howon said dubiously. He looked over at Sunggyu, who was quietly packing his things away in a corner of the locker room. “Hyung, did I make a mistake?”

“Well,” Sunggyu said. “If you’re sleepy, he’ll definitely keep you awake. That’s the only nice thing I have to say.”

“Hey! I’ve never studied with you, hyung, why are you so mean to me?” Woohyun sulked. 

“You’ve studied with Dongwoo hyung, and I share a room with him.” Sunggyu snorted. “You two got chased out of the dorm for being too loud.” 

Woohyun swung back to face Howon, who was quickly packing up his bag. “I’ve changed my mind,” Howon declared, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking out. “No study sessions with Nam Woohyun.”

“Wait!” Woohyun ran after him. “Howon-ah!”

* * *

“Dr. Lee?” Howon felt someone shaking him out of his slumber, and he rubbed his eyes, sitting up and stretching. “What is it?” he mumbled. ‘I’m off-duty.”

“Dr. Lee.” It was one of his nurses. “Um, Dr. Han is looking for you. He’s in his office.” 

Dr. Han was his department head. Howon shook his head to clear it of any cobwebs and breathed in deeply. “Give me some time to wash my face and brush my teeth and I’ll look for him.”

He was still a little sleepy as he entered the room, but was quickly stunned awake when his boss laid a newspaper in front of him. 

‘WORLD NO. 1 TENNIS PLAYER NAM WOOHYUN ACCUSES DR. LEE HOWON OF MURDERING HIS WIFE OUT OF JEALOUSY.’ screamed the headline. Accompanying the headline was a picture of Woohyun punching Howon in the hospital, his face a mask of rage. Howon looked up from the newspaper to his boss’ expressionless face. 

“Dr. Han, I…” Howon faltered, unsure where to begin and what to say. “It’s not true.” 

“Nam Woohyun has issued a statement to the contrary, but it can’t erase the fact that he said those words. Or that he punched you. Obviously there must be something going on between the two of you for him to react in anger like that,” his boss said icily. 

“It’s not like that,” Howon said awkwardly. “We’re not – We’re not together.”

“But were you, in the past?” his boss shot back at him, and Howon couldn’t answer immediately. 

Dr. Han sighed. “Look, for us to even begin considering whether or not to fire you, I need the whole story from you.”

Howon bit his lip. 

“It’s not like I want to hear it either,” his boss said irritably. “But we need to know what we’re dealing with, before we can decide what to do. The tabloids are probably going to dig all of it up anyway.”

“Dig what up?” Howon blurted out before he could stop himself. “We dated. We broke up. We moved on. What else is there?”

* * *

If somebody were to ask Howon what he thought of his first six months in Seoul National University, his answer would be "annoying". 

It wasn't his boring lecturers or overly competitive classmates that annoyed him. Neither was it the piles of never-ending homework and readings and tests and lab reports. 

Lee Howon’s first 6 months in SNU could be summed up with reference to one person: Nam Woohyun. Because wherever Howon went, Woohyun was sure to follow. 

“Don’t you think there’s got to be more to university life than studying?” Woohyun flopped on Howon’s dorm bed. 

Howon looked up from his thick textbook and adjusted his spectacles. “Sure,” he deadpanned. “Isn’t there tennis?”

“Oh, of course there’s tennis,” Woohyun said dismissively. “That’s a given. But isn’t there more to university life than studying and tennis? Like dating?”

Howon snorted. “Well, don’t let me stop you from flirting with girls,” he said dryly. “Go forth and date.”

“Girls and boys, I think,” Woohyun hummed. “I’m bisexual.”

“That’s nice,” Howon said through gritted teeth. “It’d also be really nice if you’d go hang out somewhere else and pick up girls or boys and leave me alone to my studies. Thank you.” He didn’t know why he let Woohyun in his dorm room; maybe it was the puppy dog eyes or the bag of yummy tidbits in his hands. He should have known Woohyun had no intention of studying since he hadn’t brought a single book or even his laptop with him. 

And if he was honest with himself, he didn't like Woohyun talking about dating; it made his stomach churn uncomfortably. 

Woohyun rolled over on his stomach, propping himself up on his hands and looking at Howon. His intense, thoughtful gaze made Howon's heart skip a beat - until Woohyun ruined it with a dumb question. “Why are you studying so hard?”

“You mean why am I not studying harder, given that I’m in the SNU Faculty of Medicine, which has a 50% dropout rate in the first year?” Howon rolled his eyes. 

“Apart from that,” Woohyun said seriously. “I mean, you’re obviously smart, or you wouldn’t have gotten into Seouldae. But you’re like - you’re extra hardworking, extra committed. What drives you?”

Howon shrugged, not particularly interested in sharing his life story. “What about you? Don’t you have any readings or homework to do?” 

“I do,” Woohyun said seriously. “Of course I do.” He gave Howon a judgmental look.

“Then why aren’t you doing them?” Howon asked, a little irritated.

“I’ve done them already,” Woohyun replied. 

“Then why are you here?” Howon asked irritably. “Are you hired by my fellow students to sabotage my studying so they get better grades?”

Woohyun laughed. “No.” He looked at Howon, giving him a small, crooked smile. “Maybe I just like spending time with you.” 

Heat suffused Howon’s cheeks and he fought the urge to cover his ears, knowing they were probably bright red. “You like irritating me?” he demanded. “That’s mean.”

“It is,” Woohyun agreed, “but I can’t help it. You’re cute when you’re mad.” 

Howon was rendered speechless for a good minute, his highlighter dropping from his nerveless fingers. 

“Um,” Woohyun said tentatively after Howon didn’t respond. “Are you ok? Shall I get Sunggyu-hyung to revive you?” 

Howon shook his head, glaring furiously at Woohyun. “Yah, you’ve been irritating me because you like - because I’m cute when I’m angry? What kind of shit reason is that? We’re not in elementary school!” 

Woohyun cringed. This was not cute. This was dangerous. “Um, so is this the part where I laugh and pretend it was all a joke or apologize and promise to sweep you off your feet with a proper confession instead?” 

“If you put me through all that just as an elaborate joke I’ll cut your racket strings,” Howon threatened. “Fucking be serious for once, Nam Woohyun.” Howon had suspected for a while now that Woohyun liked him, but if Woohyun couldn't even be serious about this then there was no use starting anything.

“Fine, fine.” Woohyun held up his hands in surrender. “I like you, ok?” 

Howon didn’t reply, but Woohyun could see his ears turning redder and redder. 

“So, um…” Woohyun fidgeted. 

“Promise me something,” Howon said. 

“Anything,” Woohyun said desperately.

“No lovey dovey public love confessions,” Howon demanded. “Or I’ll quit the tennis team.” 

Relieved, Woohyun nodded frantically. 

And then he beamed and scooted over to kiss Howon’s flushed ear.

“Yah!”

“We’re not in public!”

* * *

Dr. Han gave Howon a stern look. “I hope you’re not going to make trouble, Dr. Lee.”

“I honestly don’t believe there’s anything scandalous in our relationship that I need to inform my bosses of, Dr. Han,” Howon said, trying to keep his voice under control. “Our relationship was entirely consensual, and our breakup was more than seven years ago. Neither of us did anything illegal.” 

Dr. Han sighed. “Look, we’re not trying to discriminate, but you know as well as I do that homosexual relationships are still treated somewhat differently in society, regardless of whatever the law says.” 

“And I’ve never allowed who I am - or who I date - to affect my work here,” Howon said calmly. “I take my work at the hospital very seriously, Dr. Han.” 

_”Paging Dr. Lee Howon, Dr Lee, please report to Ward 3 Room 28 immediately.”_

Howon bit back a curse. Not many people knew he was still in the hospital, since he was listed as off duty in the computerised schedule. Only some of his nurses and Sunggyu knew, which meant that the page was from one of them and probably wasn’t a good thing. “I have to go, Dr. Han. Duty calls.” 

“But–”

“If the reporters hurl any more accusations, please let me know. I’ll deal with them as they come. But I’m not going to divulge my personal life story for a what-if scenario, Dr. Han.” Howon bowed and left the room, quickly hurrying through the corridors to the ward. 

He knew he’d probably get a scolding later for being disrespectful, but he’d never been one to waste time on honorifics and playing politics when there were lives that needed saving. Plus the headline was stupid. The two of them were clean and as far as Howon was concerned, they’d both moved on. 

He knocked on the room door and entered, only to freeze as he saw Sunggyu in the room with Nam Joonhee on the bed and Nam Woohyun at his bedside. Woohyun’s eyes were bloodshot and Joonhee was crying. 

Woohyun got up when he saw Howon. “Howon–”

Howon ignored him and moved to Sunggyu. “You paged me?” he asked. 

Sunggyu nodded tiredly. “It’s Joonhee,” he said. “He won’t settle down. We’ve tried a child psychologist, some of the paediatricians, a couple of nurses, but he’s rejected all of them.”

“Isn’t his father here?” Howon said. He walked to the basin in the room to wash his hands thoroughly.

Sunggyu shrugged. “If he's not crying for his mother, he's crying for ‘doctor’. Since you’re the first doctor who treated him, I thought it might be you he’s looking for.” 

“Ok, I’ll try,” Howon said, drying his hands on a paper towel and tossing it in the bin. As he walked towards the bed, Woohyun clasped his wrist. “Howon,” he said urgently, but Howon pulled his wrist out of his grip and approached the bed, putting on a smile. 

“Joonhee?” he called out quietly, distracting the child from his crying fit. “Joonhee? It’s Dr. Lee. Remember me? I gave you the mosquito bite earlier today.”

The little boy tried to rub his eyes with both hands but failed, since his left arm was wrapped and bandaged to prevent him from pulling out his IV line. Howon wiped his tears away for him. 

“Doctor…” Joonhee sniffled, shifting closer to Howon. Howon sat on the edge of the bed and held his unbandaged hand. 

“What’s wrong with Joonhee?” Howon asked patiently. “My friend, Dr. Kim, said Joonhee keeps crying and won’t let anyone near him.” He pouted at Joonhee. “Why? Joonhee needs help from the doctors and nurses in order to get better.” 

Joonhee sobbed. “I want Mummy.” He gave Howon a look of betrayal. “You said Mummy would come.” 

Howon bit his lip. 

“Mummy isn’t coming,” Woohyun said tiredly. “Mummy is de-”

“Joonhee’s mummy was very, very badly hurt in the car accident that injured Joonhee,” Howon said carefully. “The doctors and nurses tried very hard to save Joonhee’s mummy, but she died.” 

“Died?” Joonhee looked up at Howon, who nodded. “But I want Mummy.”

“I’m sorry, Joonhee-yah. Your mummy can’t come to you anymore. She’s dead,” Howon said gently. “You still have your daddy, your daddy will care for you, ok?”

Joonhee shook his head. “But I want Mummy.” He latched onto Howon’s coat sleeve, tears forming in his eyes again. 

As sweet as it was to have a child clinging to him for comfort, Howon knew that in the long run it wouldn’t help him. “Joonhee-yah, you have your daddy, right? Daddy is here.” He tried to make Joonhee look at Woohyun, but Joonhee barely glanced at him and then turned back to Howon. 

“Doctor...don't go.” Joonhee grasped Howon’s hand tightly. “Stay with Joonhee.”

Howon finally looked up at Woohyun, reluctantly acknowledging his existence. “This might be because of the trauma. He’ll probably need some therapy.”

“No,” Woohyun said quietly. “It’s nothing out of the ordinary.” He smiled sadly. “I’ve barely spent any time with Joonhee; it’s not surprising at all that he doesn’t recognize me.” 

“And the trauma of the accident and losing his mother probably caused him to become attached to the first caregiver he met, which was Howon,” Sunggyu added tactfully. 

Howon took a deep breath, resisting the urge to yell ‘how can you be so irresponsible and neglect your son for three years to the extent that he doesn’t know you!’ at Nam Woohyun. 

Instead, he looked down at Joonhee, who was finally calm enough to slip into slumber, fuelled in part by the painkillers running through his IV. Even then, he clung tightly to Howon’s hand, and his entire body was snuggled into the crook of Howon’s arm. Howon had seen photos of baby Woohyun, and the resemblance between him and Joonhee was striking. 

“You’re an asshole,” Howon hissed. “Next you’re going to tell me she got into the car accident while she was leaving you.”

Woohyun just gave him a wearied, heartbroken look, and Howon simultaneously felt his heart sink and his blood pressure shoot up. 

“You pushed the blame to me,” he accused Woohyun, eyes flashing. “You felt guilty that she died because of you, and you blamed me for not saving her. Fuck you, Nam Woohyun. Seven years have passed and you haven’t changed at all – no, you’ve gotten worse.” 

Sunggyu nudged Howon, but he was too late; Woohyun looked even more devastated and distraught than before. “I know that,” he said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.” 

Howon shook his head. “You can apologize to me, but you’re not going to be able to get her back.”

“I know that,” Woohyun said in an even smaller voice, curling in on himself and looking utterly pitiful. “I just.” 

Sunggyu nudged Howon again, harder this time. “You just need some time to cope with everything, Woohyun,” he said kindly. “It was an unfortunate accident. Don’t get caught up with blaming yourself.” 

Howon bit back the scoff and turned his attention back to Joonhee. "Has he been treated?" he asked Sunggyu quietly, caressing the tiny hand. 

"His ribs have been taped up temporarily. Thankfully, they didn't pierce his lungs. He's going to have surgery tomorrow, and we'll probably need you around to help sedate him," Sunggyu reported. "You should go back and rest now, you've been here for way too long. Sorry for paging you when you're off duty."

Howon shook his head. "It's alright. I couldn't go home anyway, because of the reporters outside." He got up, carefully laying Joonhee on the bed and drawing the curtain slightly to peek out. There were still a bunch of reporters and cameramen milling about. 

"You could go by the basement staff car park," Sunggyu said. "Call Inguk-hyung and see if he can drop by during lunch to send you home?"

Howon shook his head, not missing the way Woohyun looked surprised at the mention of another man. "No, it's ok. I'll just lock my office door, turn off the lights and sleep."

"Wait." Sunggyu checked his watch. "I can go off duty now. I'll send you back. Give me 10 minutes to pack up and call Soojung.” 

Howon nodded. "I'll meet you at your office." He got up, taking one last look at Joonhee before leaving. 

Woohyun frowned, looking a little uncertain. "Hyung. What about Joonhee?" 

"Nurses will come in now and then to check on him. Right now he just needs rest," Sunggyu said briskly, checking on Joonhee’s IV line. 

"But -if he cries-" Woohyun stammered. "I don't know what to do."

"Then learn," Sunggyu said sternly. "All fathers have to learn to handle their children - you're just starting three years late." He might not have shown it as much as Howon did, but he was fairly disgusted that Woohyun had left his wife to bring Joonhee up alone too. "Howon isn't Joonhee’s father and shouldn't have to do your job for you." 

"Hyung – who's Inguk?" Woohyun asked. 

Sunggyu smirked. "Howon's boyfriend." 

"Boyfriend?!" Woohyun looked completely stunned. "But – But – "

"But what?" Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. "Look, ask him about it yourself. I'm leaving." He left Woohyun alone with a sleeping Joonhee and his confused thoughts.

“He’s changed,” Woohyun murmured to himself. “But he still has his hot temper…”

* * *

“Hey, where’s Howon?” Dongwoo asked Woohyun as they gathered for tennis practice. 

“Busy,” Woohyun muttered grumpily. “Study group.”

“Oh! Well, alright.” Dongwoo shrugged, twirling his racket and walking onto the tennis court. 

Woohyun ran to catch up with him. “Hyung, you aren’t mad?” 

“No?” Dongwoo hummed. “Why should I be? It’s a legitimate reason. Finals are just around the corner.”

“But–” Woohyun looked upset. “But I haven’t seen him for weeks!” 

“Ahhhh.” Dongwoo nodded sagely. “Well, that’s your problem. I’m fine not seeing him for weeks, since we don’t have any major competitions coming up. You should settle it with him.” 

“Hyung,” Woohyun whined. “Do you think maybe he doesn’t really like me that much? How can anyone be okay with not seeing their boyfriend for weeks?”

“The answer to that question would be yes, obviously.” Dongwoo stopped twirling his racket and tapped Woohyun on the head lightly. “Go talk to him if you’re that upset. I’m sure he can meet you for dinner, at least?” 

“He refused to meet me,” Woohyun said unwillingly. “He got mad and said I was too distracting and he couldn’t study properly. He said we can meet up after his exams are over.” 

Dongwoo raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were that annoying when dating someone.”

“Hyung!!!” Woohyun wailed, clearly upset. “What if he really doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Well, you should ask him that question, not me.” Dongwoo patted Woohyun’s head sympathetically. “In the meantime, you can release some stress by playing tennis. Here, I’ll be nice and partner you today.”  
.  
.  
.  
Howon was in the study room in the medical faculty building, going over his chemistry notes, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

He looked up to see his senior, Park Choa pointing at the door. “There’s someone outside, looking for you,” she said softly, so as not to disturb the other students inside. 

He nodded, mouthing his thanks, and quietly made his way outside, only to see Nam Woohyun, looking resentful and upset and anxious. 

He sighed. “Woohyun, what is it?” 

“That’s it?” Woohyun echoed. 

“That’s what?” Howon said irritably. “Look, I haven’t got time for this–”

“Yeah, you don’t have time for anything except studying. With pretty girls,” Woohyun spat. “It’s been three weeks since we met and your first reaction is to brush me off.”  
“I told you I need to study–”

“You mean you don’t need to eat? Or sleep? Or rest? Are you telling me you can’t even give me five minutes from your precious study time? Is five minutes going to cost you an A?” All the pent up frustration that Woohyun had bottled up was spilling out of him now. 

Howon rubbed his eyes, exhausted and irritated. “Woohyun, I really, really can’t have this conversation now, my final paper is tomorrow–”

“Do you even like me?” Woohyun interrupted him, eyes flashing. 

“I…” Howon stared at him in disbelief. “Of course I like you. Why else would I agree to date you if I didn’t like you?” 

“You say that,” Woohyun continued. “But we haven’t met for three weeks and you don’t miss me at all. You treat your female senior so nicely, but when you see me, it’s eye rolls and heaved sighs. The fuck, Lee Howon? I’m not a girl, but I have feelings too.” 

“So what do you want?” Howon asked him. “What do you need from me? A big hug and a makeout session in the middle of the hallway? What do you fucking want from me?”

“A simple hello would be nice? ‘I miss you’ would be a bonus? It’s not rocket science, Howon.” Woohyun shook his head.

“I’m sorry that I don’t have the dating experience that you’ve had,” Howon said icily. “You’re my first boyfriend, and I’m studying for my finals, so please excuse me for my lack of tact. I’ve slept 2 hours in the past 36 hours. While you were busy playing tennis, I was trying to memorize my notes for my closed-book exam. I’ve replied to all 100+ text messages you sent in a nice and polite manner to the best of my ability as a boyfriend doing this for the first time. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.” He looked at the window, noticing that his study group was beginning their discussion. “I have to go now. If you still want to, we can talk about this tomorrow after my finals.” He didn’t wait for Woohyun’s reply and yanked open the room door and entered, shutting it firmly behind him. 

“Is everything alright, Howon?” Choa asked him. 

He managed a small smile. “Yeah. Thanks, noona.”

She patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, after finals tomorrow you two can date again. You’ve missed him, haven’t you?”

Howon shrugged. “If I still have him, after the finals.” 

They didn’t meet up after the finals, however. Woohyun’s exams started after the medicine exams, and he was kept busy finishing his projects as well. 

“You still haven’t talked to Howon?” Dongwoo asked him in disbelief. 

Woohyun shrugged. It’d been another three weeks after their fight and they still hadn’t met. Howon hadn’t initiated any meet up, and Woohyun had given up, after their outburst, somewhat guilty and also upset. “We’re in a cooling off period.” 

“Oh. Because I heard from Sunggyu-hyung that Howon failed one of his papers,” Dongwoo said. 

“What?” Woohyun yelped. “He failed?”

Dongwoo nodded. “You didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t.” Woohyun shot to his feet, pulling out his phone and dialling Howon’s number, walking as he put the phone to his ear. 

Dongwoo shook his head. “Puppy love.”

“Please pick up, please pick up,” Woohyun muttered as he walked towards Howon’s dorm. He knew grades were really important to Howon, and he couldn’t imagine how terrible Howon must have felt when he found out he failed. 

“Hello?” To his relief, Howon picked up. “Woohyun?”

“Howon!” he barked. “Where are you?” 

“...in my dorm?”

“Don’t go anywhere! I mean, stay there! I’m coming!” he ordered at rapid-fire speed. Then, he backtracked, remembering Howon’s outburst. “Um, you’re not busy studying, are you?”

“....no.”

“So, I can come over?” he said tentatively. 

“Yeah.” He sounded resigned and tired, and Woohyun’s heart ached. 

When Woohyun reached Howon’s dorm room, the door was ajar, so he slipped in and shut the door. The lights were off, and Howon was sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, looking at Woohyun disbelievingly. 

“Are you alright?” Woohyun asked, going to him and then retreating, remembering that Howon didn’t like much physical contact, even when they were alone. 

Howon shrugged. “You heard?”

“Yeah.” Woohyun tentatively sat on the bed, relaxing when Howon didn’t glare at him. “Was it - was it the exam after we fought?” 

Howon shook his head, much to Woohyun’s relief. “It was an earlier exam,” he said quietly. “But, I’ve taken the make-up exam, and passed.”

“That’s good,” Woohyun said, and then impulsively clasped Howon’s hand. “I’m sorry. I should’ve given you more space during your exam period, and been more understanding. I know you don’t like having me around when you’re studying because I distract you…”

Howon listened to him quietly, not removing his hand from Woohyun’s. When Woohyun was done talking, Howon took a deep breath. “Woohyun-ah,” he called out softly. “Do you think we’re incompatible as a couple?”

Woohyun reflexively clutched Howon’s hand tighter. “Why – Why would you say that?” he asked, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. “Is it because we fought?”

“That, but also...we’re really different,” Howon said quietly. “Our personalities are very different. Maybe we’re just not meant to be together?”

“But - I like you. And you said you like me, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t have agreed to date me,” Woohyun said. 

“I do like you, Woohyun,” Howon said. “And I did miss you, when I stubbornly insisted on studying by myself. I’m just...not good at expressing myself, I guess. I’m sorry, too.”

Woohyun shifted a little closer to Howon. “We’ve dated for six months. This is our first big fight. I’d say we’re doing pretty well,” he said lightly, trying to defuse the tense atmosphere. 

Howon gave him a wry smile. “You don’t count our tennis practice fights? Or the study time squabbles?”

“Those are small fights,” Woohyun defended. “Every couple fights,” he said sagely. “You said you haven’t dated, so you might not know this, but it’s common.”

Howon smiled slightly. “So what should we do now, Professor?”

“Hmmmmmmm.” Woohyun thought for a moment, before he had a brilliant idea and a big grin spread on his face. “This.” He leaned in and kissed Howon, still holding his hand. 

Howon shut his eyes, responding to the kiss. He’d never actually told Woohyun that he loved his kisses, that they made him feel safe and warm and loved and soothed his irritated feelings away. But he suspected Woohyun already knew, since this wasn’t the first time Woohyun had kissed Howon after they had a spat. 

Finally, they broke apart. Woohyun touched Howon’s ears, which had turned red, and then pulled him in for a hug. “Can we try?” he asked, sounding vulnerable. “Please? I don’t just want to be your first boyfriend, I want to be your last too.”

Howon slid his arms around Woohyun too and rested his chin on Woohyun’s shoulder. “Okay,” he agreed. “We can try.”

* * *

“I don’t wanna!” Joonhee wailed, struggling against Woohyun and Howon as the nurses rolled his baby cot towards the surgery room. “Wanna stay with Doctor!” 

“Joonhee-yah, it’s just another mosquito bite, and then you’ll feel much, much better after that,” Howon tried to convince him, but the little kid was having none of that. 

“But – last time – you left, and Mummy died.” Big baby eyes wet with tears glared up at him in utter betrayal, and Howon was left speechless. 

“Joonhee, Daddy is here,” Woohyun said gently, trying to clasp his son’s hand. “Daddy will stay here with you, and Daddy will be here when you wake up, ok? I promise.” 

“I want Doctor,” Joonhee wept. “Tell Doctor to stay.” 

Woohyun looked at Howon helplessly. “I know you’re on duty, and you probably can’t, but if you could, for Joonhee’s sake…”

“You know I can’t do this forever,” Howon whispered. “It’s not good for him or you if he gets too attached to me.”

“I know that,” Woohyun whispered back. “But we don’t have the time to settle him now, and he might get even clingier and unstable if he doesn’t see you when he wakes up. I know you have your own patients to see, some of whom might be critical, but I hope you can at least pop by when he’s waking up, so he can see a familiar face.” He looked at Howon pleadingly, still holding his crying son’s hand.

Howon bit his lip. “Fine,” he finally said. “Joonhee-yah, I have other patients to help as well, but I’ll try to be around when you wake up. Your daddy will stay with you throughout, and he’ll call me when you’re about to wake up. Ok?”

Joonhee blinked big, tearful eyes at him. “Can’t stay?”

“I can’t stay, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep, and come back before you wake up,” Howon promised. “Daddy will be with you throughout.”

Joonhee had stopped crying, although none of them knew why. He finally nodded very reluctantly. 

“Joonhee is so brave,” Howon praised him. “Now, we’re going into the special room where Joonhee will sleep, and then the doctors will make Joonhee feel much, much better.” 

True to his word, Howon stayed until Joonhee went under anaesthesia, and then he quietly exited the room, removing his surgical scrubs. 

In his haste, he didn’t notice that Woohyun had followed him until Woohyun cleared his throat and Howon looked up. 

“You should be with Joonhee, he needs you,” Howon said briefly. 

“I know,” Woohyun said. “But I wanted to talk to you.”

“I need to go to the A&E department now,” he said briskly. “I don’t have time for this.” He delivered the line calmly, with none of the irritation he used to inject into his words when brushing off Woohyun’s plans for a study date. 

“I know,” Woohyun said, biting his lip. “I just need a few minutes…”

“Then, start.” Howon folded his arms.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I treated you,” Woohyun said. “After we broke up, I never really kept in touch with you even though I insisted we remain friends. I was so caught up in my own training that I didn’t even realize I’d neglected my family, let alone my friends.”

“At least your hard work paid off, since you’re the current world no. 1,” Howon responded. 

“Yeah, but...I’m not sure it’s worth it.” He looked pained. 

“If your wife had to die for you to achieve no. 1, then you’d better appreciate it,” Howon shot back. “Is that all? I really need to go.”

“I hope you can forgive me, and I hope we can continue to meet up,” Woohyun finished. “I really do appreciate your – you.”

“Fine, whatever.” Howon couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice. “Maybe you should focus on your son’s surgery and laying your wife to rest first, before me? I’m not sure I’m that important.” He knew he was hurting Woohyun with every word he spat out, but somehow, he couldn’t stop. Maybe the sleep deprivation was getting to him. “Look, I’m – I haven’t slept much, and I need to get to work before they start paging for me. We can talk about this another time.” 

Woohyun looked hurt, but tried not to show it. “Okay,” he said. “Later on –”

“I’ve already informed the nurses to page me when Joonhee shows signs of waking up,” Howon said. “I can’t promise that I’ll make it in time before he wakes up, but I’ll definitely be there as soon as I can.”

“That’s enough. Thanks, Howon.” Woohyun gave him a small, tentative smile.

Howon shrugged, striding down the corridor and leaving Woohyun standing there alone.  
.  
.  
.  
Sunggyu strode into Howon’s office, waving a newspaper at him. “Did you see this?” he asked Howon. 

Howon took the newspaper from him and scanned the headlines. “Nam Woohyun says final goodbye to wife, Dr. Lee Howon MIA,” he read monotonously. “What a bad headline.” He looked up. “You went to the wake?” He pointed to the newspaper photo, which featured Sunggyu in a corner. 

“Of course I went,” Sunggyu said. “He’s my friend. Our friend. You didn’t go.”

“With a headline like this, obviously I wouldn’t go,” Howon snorted. “Imagine the headline: Nam Woohyun says final goodbyes to wife with new lover by his side. I’d be fired straightaway.” 

“So you didn’t go because you were worried about the media? Or you didn’t want to see Woohyun?” Sunggyu pressed. “Are you still upset over the break up?” 

Howon looked at him in disbelief. “Hyung, that was so long ago. Of course I’m over him – you know I’ve dated since then.”

“You didn’t tell me you broke up with Inguk-sshi,” Sunggyu said. “I saw him the other day with a girl.” 

Howon shrugged. “Yeah, we broke up a while back, but I didn’t have the opportunity to tell you.”

“Why did you break up with him?” Sunggyu asked. “Because of Woohyun?”

“Not everything has to be because of Woohyun,” Howon said, trying to keep his irritation down. “I broke up with him because he couldn’t commit the way I wanted him to commit to me.” He sighed. “Same reason I broke up with all the other guys. Anyway, we broke up before I met Woohyun again.” 

Sunggyu’s eyes softened and he rubbed Howon’s shoulder gently. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault,” Howon said, “Maybe it’s me, I just have very bad taste in men.” He shrugged, mouth twisted bitterly.

Sunggyu squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find one someday who can return your love and level of commitment.” 

“I hope so.” Howon smiled faintly. 

“Anyway, Joonhee’s being discharged today,” Sunggyu said, briskly changing the subject. “Are you going to visit him before he leaves?”

“Isn’t he better now? He finally recognises his dad as his dad, thank goodness.” Howon rolled his eyes. It had taken his efforts plus a child therapist plus Woohyun staying at the child’s bedside 24/7 until Joonhee started crying for daddy instead of doctor. After the turning point, Howon had stayed away, not wanting to disrupt their bonding time. 

“It’s true he’s more attached to his daddy now, but he still looks for you now and then, and looks disappointed when he’s told that you’re busy working,” Sunggyu replied. “I think you should visit him.” 

Howon turned back to his table. “I need to finish this report first,” he said distractedly, clicking stuff on his computer. “Maybe later, if I have time.”

“You know, Howon-ah,” Sunggyu remarked. “If you’re not upset with Woohyun, then why are you avoiding him?”

Howon’s hand stilled, but he didn’t turn around to look at Sunggyu. 

“You may not be upset with him over the break up, but you seem upset with him over something, and he knows it. You two have been friends for years – shouldn’t you try to talk things out?” Sunggyu continued. 

“I guess,” Howon said, his tone non-committal. “Thanks, hyung. I’ll think about it.”

Faced with a clear, polite dismissal, Sunggyu could only sigh and leave.  
.  
.  
.  
Howon could hear the sounds of Joonhee and Woohyun talking as he walked down the corridor to Joonhee’s private room. 

“Daddy?” he heard Joonhee ask. “Where’s Doctor?” 

“Doctor? Which doctor? Dr Kim came just now – remember the man with the tiny eyes?”

Giggle. “Not that doctor! Doctor!” 

“Hmmm, I need help to guess which doctor you’re talking about. Is it the old lady doctor who pinched your cheeks and called you cute?”

“Ewwwww. No! Doctor!” 

Howon held back a smile and appeared in the doorway of Joonhee’s room, not missing how Joonhee and Woohyun’s eyes lit up at the sight of him. “Hi,” he said awkwardly. 

“Doctor!” Joonhee squealed, running to him. “Daddy, it’s Doctor!” 

“Hi, Joonhee,” Howon said fondly, picking him up and settling him back on the bed, sitting next to him. Regardless of how he felt about Woohyun, Joonhee was a joy to be with. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes!” Joonhee nodded vigorously. “I can go home now!” 

“That’s great,” Howon praised him, ruffling his hair. “Remember to be good for your Daddy.”

“I will!” Joonhee said, although he looked a little sad. “I miss Mummy, though.” 

“I know,” Howon said gently. “Your Daddy misses your Mummy too, so both of you can comfort each other.” 

Joonhee nodded, cuddling a little against Howon. 

“Thanks for your help with Joonhee, Howon,” Woohyun said. 

“You’re welcome,” Howon said briefly. 

“Ho-won?” Joonhee repeated, frowning. “What’s a Howon?”

“That’s your doctor’s name,” Woohyun said, amused. “You call him Doctor, but you don’t know his name. He’s Dr. Lee Howon.”

“Dr. Lee Howon,” Joonhee repeated solemnly. “Doctor.”

Howon laughed. “You can call me Dr. Lee,” he told the young boy. “Make sure you stay healthy and eat all your vegetables. I don’t want to see you in hospital – if you’re in hospital, it means you’re sick!”

Joonhee sulked. “But that means I won’t get to see you!” 

“Well…” Howon was stuck. “Um.”

“We can invite Dr. Lee over to our house to play, right, Joonhee?” Woohyun said. 

“Oh!” Joonhee looked back to Howon, eyes shining. “Yes!” 

“Maybe,” Howon said uncomfortably. “If I’m not busy.”

“Yes!” Joonhee cheered. 

A lady knocked on the door. “Hi, Woohyun-sshi, Dr. Lee, Joonhee,” she greeted them, smiling. 

“Oh, Heeyeon-sshi,” Howon recognised her as Joonhee’s psychologist. 

“I’m just going to take Joonhee for a very quick session, before he is discharged,” she said to Woohyun. “I’ll reinforce that he’s going home now and things will be different. I’ll continue to schedule follow up sessions for him.”

Woohyun nodded. “Thank you, Heeyeon-sshi.” 

“Come, Joonhee-yah,” she called out cheerfully. “It’s playtime!”

Joonhee hopped off the hospital bed and trotted to her. He then looked back at Howon. “Stay here, Doctor,” he said firmly. 

“Stay?” echoed Howon. 

“Joonhee-yah, Dr. Lee has work,” Woohyun said. “He can’t stay.”

Joonhee frowned, looking unhappy. “Stay here,” he said, louder. 

“I can stay,” Howon quickly intervened, recognizing the signs of Joonhee’s impending temper tantrum. “I’ll stay until Joonhee comes back, ok?” 

Joonhee relaxed. “Ok. Bye bye!” 

The two men waved as Joonhee followed Heeyeon out the door. 

An awkward silence descended on the room. 

“Thanks for coming,” Woohyun said. “Joonhee’s much better now, but he still looks forward to your visits.” 

Howon nodded. “It’s okay. He’s a sweet kid.” 

“He is,” Woohyun smiled, before sighing. “I really want to invite you over, but I suppose we shouldn’t be seen in public together for a while.”

Howon shrugged. “I guess,” he said, unwilling to say anymore.

“But I will,” Woohyun said firmly. “When the fuss about us has died down, I’ll invite you over to play with Joonhee – and I hope you won’t refuse.” 

“Don’t you have training and competitions?” Howon asked. 

“I’m taking a break,” Woohyun said. “You were right, that day – Joonhee deserves a lot more than what I’ve been giving him.” He looked wistful. “His mother’s relatives want nothing to do with him – they were intensely bitter about her death, and gave me hell at the funeral.” 

“Oh,” Howon said uncomfortably. He didn’t particularly like the way Woohyun had handled things, but he felt sorry for him anyway. “That’s bad.”

“Yeah,” Woohyun said. “My parents are still running their own restaurant, but even if they could take care of Joonhee, I’d still want to spend time with him.” 

“That’s good,” Howon said. 

“So – will you come?” Woohyun asked hopefully. “We could catch up too.”

“I’ll...I’ll think about it,” Howon said awkwardly. “Work is hectic…”

“Are you still angry at me?” Woohyun asked tentatively. “Because of what I yelled at you that day? And because I punched you?” 

Was he angry at Woohyun for that? Howon didn’t really know. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Maybe it’s just that – we haven’t actually talked in a long while.” 

Woohyun looked surprised. “We haven’t?”

“Um, no,” Howon said. “You’ve been training and competing all over the world.”

“But you follow me on Twitter and Facebook,” Woohyun said. “And sometimes we exchange messages.”

“We exchange messages for new year’s, birthdays, and special occasions,” Howon pointed out. “And following each other on Twitter and Facebook doesn’t mean we talk.”

“Oh.” Woohyun looked pensive. “I guess you’re right. So, you’re mad at me because we don’t talk?”

Howon rolled his eyes. “Not everything is about you,” he said. “We’re just awkward because we haven’t talked in a long while. That’s all.” 

Woohyun blinked. “Oh. Then, shouldn’t we talk more?”

Howon was saved from having to reply by Joonhee’s return to the hospital room. He got up and went over to Joonhee, bending down so he could look Joonhee in the eye. “Joonhee, I have to go now,” he said. “Take care of yourself and listen to your Daddy.”

“Okay,” Joonhee said reluctantly. “Bye bye, Doctor.”

“Bye bye, Joonhee.” Howon gave him a hug, and then took his leave. 

He hoped that would be the last time they would meet. Joonhee was adorable, but Howon didn’t see the need for him and Woohyun to reconnect as friends. They each had their own lives, and soon Woohyun would be back on his Grand Slam circuit, training intensely and winning match after match. 

Their lives had already diverged years ago; there was no need to force their lives to take unexpected turns back towards each other.

* * *

Woohyun and Howon flopped on the tennis court, exhausted. Their shirts were plastered to their bodies with sweat and their hair was wet, as if they’d just taken a shower. Howon’s red bandana had turned dark maroon from being soaked completely in sweat.

“Remind me why I agreed to play doubles with you,” Howon murmured, arm thrown over his eyes to block out the sun. 

“I don’t know,” Woohyun groaned, chest heaving from their earlier exertions. They’d just finished a gruelling practice in preparation for their upcoming doubles-only competition. Dongwoo had got the brilliant idea of having them play against a constantly rotating lineup of doubles pairs to build their stamina and reflexes. Every time the Woohyun-Howon pair won a set, their opponents were rotated out and they got to remove one weight from their wrist and ankle bands. If they lost a set, they had to do fifty pushups and add one weight to their wrist and ankle bands. 

“So, I can quit now?” Howon snarked. 

Woohyun sat up in dismay. “Hey!” He purposely shook his hair in Howon’s face, sending sweat droplets flying everywhere, and got smacked for his efforts. “Ow!”

Howon laughed at him, throwing a towel in his face and using another to wipe his own face and hair. “Yah, help me remove my wrist and ankle bands,” he said. “I feel like an elephant with them on.” 

“Dongwoo-hyung was merciless,” Woohyun said, dragging himself nearer to Howon and fiddling with the velcro straps on his wrists. “And that new freshie – what’s his name? Kim Myungsoo? He’s weird. Sometimes he’s all quiet and steady and then he goes crazy and his shots get unpredictable. Add him to Dongwoo-hyung’s insane stamina and flexibility and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.” 

“We nearly lost a game against them,” Howon added. “We were down 5-1. Imagine if we’d lost.” He shuddered. “Dongwoo-hyung would’ve made us train until we dropped dead.”

“And Sungyeol would have had the perfect excuse to make us drink that blue-green vegetable drink he’s been trying to perfect.” Woohyun finally managed to muster what little strength he had left to pull the velcro strap free. The wrist band fell from Howon’s left wrist to the tennis court with a solid thud. “Good thing we won. What kinds of vegetables are blue, anyway?” He shivered. “Ew.” 

“Poisonous ones,” Howon said ominously. “My wrist feels like air now,” he remarked. “When you remove my ankle bands, I’ll probably be able to fly.”

“Don’t fly too far, though, I might not be able to follow,” Woohyun joked. 

Howon snorted. He shaded his eyes and looked up at the sky. “Look, there’s a big elephant cloud.” 

Woohyun freed Howon’s right wrist and started working on his ankle bands. “Hmmm.” Now that he’d gotten the hang of it, they fell off Howon’s ankles easily and Howon stretched out his legs, shaking them loose. 

“Help me,” Woohyun whined, dangling his hands in Howon’s face. Howon grabbed a wrist and set to work. 

“Elephant. Right?” Howon demanded as he pulled the wrist bands loose. 

Woohyun looked up at the sky. “Looks like a giant tennis ball to me.”

Howon scoffed. “How do you even know it’s a tennis ball and not just a ball?” 

“See those wavy lines?” Woohyun pointed. “Those are the tennis ball lines.” 

“You’re obsessed with tennis,” Howon declared. “Next you’re going to tell me that other cloud there looks like a tennis racket.”

“Now that you mention it…” Woohyun hummed, chuckling. “Just kidding. It does look like an elephant. An elephant with wings.” He stretched out his legs once the ankle bands had been removed, sighing with relief. Howon lay down on the court again, exhausted from the extra exertion.

Then Woohyun happily flopped onto Howon’s stomach, causing him to grunt in response. 

“Yah, your head is heavy,” Howon complained, sitting up and pushing at Woohyun’s head. “And your hair is drenched in sweat.”

Woohyun rubbed his head against Howon’s shirt, refusing to budge. “Not like your shirt isn’t soaked in sweat either.” 

“But you’re rubbing the sweat into my skin, it’s disgusting,” Howon grumbled, but gave up, sprawling back onto the court. 

“Just look at your flying elephant and keep quiet,” Woohyun nudged him. “Dream of riding on your flying elephant.”

“Huh,” Howon harrumphed. “When I was a kid, I took a ride on an elephant once.” 

“Was it nice?” Woohyun asked absently, playing with Howon’s hand. 

“It was bumpy,” Howon said. “But kinda fun, I guess. I always wished I could ride on a flying elephant like Dumbo.”

Woohyun chuckled. “You sound like an innocent kid.”

“I guess I was,” Howon remarked. “But that was like, fifteen years ago? I’m not so innocent anymore, thanks to you.”

“Hey!” Woohyun poked his stomach. “I’m still childlike at heart.” 

Howon snorted, but let it pass. They stared up at the cloudy blue sky in companionable silence for a while, watching the clouds drift by. 

“Where do you think we’ll be in another fifteen years’ time? Or even just another ten years?” Howon wondered aloud.

“Playing tennis together, I hope,” Woohyun said solemnly. “I want to conquer every tennis doubles competition with you.” 

Howon hummed, but didn’t reply.

* * *

After Joonhee was discharged from hospital, the media ruckus shifted to a new target and Howon could finally live a normal, quiet life again. He still got odd looks from the occasional doctor or nurse or patient in the hallway, but he ignored those and resolutely focused on his work. He didn’t want to give his bosses any room to doubt his professionalism. 

He purposefully refused to keep in contact with Woohyun, but Sunggyu kept up the friendship, and would drop casual updates of what Woohyun was up to now and then when he met Howon. 

So Howon knew that Woohyun was still in Seoul with Joonhee and had bought a new apartment in a private, gated community for them to stay in. He knew that Woohyun had enrolled Joonhee in a kindergarten in his neighbourhood. He also knew that Woohyun was struggling with learning the ropes of raising a child, especially as a single father. 

But based on past experience, Howon didn’t expect Woohyun to stay long. He predicted that Woohyun would eventually get his parents to take over caring for Joonhee and he’d go back to training full-time. After all, he had to earn money and maintain his world no. 1 position. If he missed too many competitions, his ranking would drop. 

So it was a huge surprise to Howon when one day, Woohyun and Joonhee walked into his office just as he was preparing to go home after a morning shift. 

“Doctor!” Joonhee chirped happily, running to him. 

Howon blinked, stunned. “Oh. Hi, Joonhee.” It had been more than three months since the accident. He hadn’t expected to still see Woohyun caring for Joonhee.

“Hi,” Woohyun said awkwardly, obviously aware that Howon hadn’t greeted him. “Um, I brought Joonhee for his counselling session, and Sunggyu-hyung said you’d just finished your shift, so Joonhee insisted on looking for you.”

Joonhee frowned. “But Daddy wanted to see Doctor too!” he said loudly. 

“Ah.” Woohyun looked sheepish. “Joonhee caught me.” He smiled at Howon. “I did want to see you too. How are you?”

“Um, fine,” Howon said awkwardly. “You’re still in Seoul?” 

“Yeah, taking care of this little rascal,” Woohyun said fondly, ruffling Joonhee’s hair. “Do you have time? Shall we go for lunch?”

Howon hesitated, but made the mistake of glancing down at Joonhee’s hopeful, shining eyes. 

“Please, Doctor?” Joonhee begged. “I miss you.” 

Howon gave in. “Ok, fine,” he said, to Joonhee’s cheers. “Somewhere private, though.”

“Sure.” Woohyun’s eyes were shining too, but Howon pretended not to have seen them.

They settled down at a quiet cafe that sold pastas and pizzas and delicious desserts, in a corner of the cafe. Woohyun made sure he faced inwards, so that the only person who could see his face was Howon. Howon sat directly facing him, and Joonhee insisted on sitting next to Howon in his high chair. 

“You’ve been here before?” Howon asked after they finished ordering.

“Yep.” Woohyun helped himself to the children’s coloring materials in a small tray underneath the table, handing them to Joonhee, who gleefully began to color. “The food’s good, and Joonhee loves coloring. We spend quite a bit of time here.” 

“Don’t you have to train?” Howon asked. “Your world no. 1 title won’t last for long if you don’t keep competing.” 

Woohyun looked surprised. “You didn’t know?”

“No?” Howon said. He hadn’t bothered to read any news about Woohyun. “Know what?” 

“I’ve retired,” Woohyun stated simply. He smiled as he saw Howon’s stunned expression. “I’ve retired from pro tennis.”

“But aren’t you the world no. 1?” Howon shook his head, trying to clear it. “You’re just going to give your tennis career up like that?” 

Woohyun looked at Joonhee with eyes full of affection and love. “I think I’ve found a new person I want to be number one in the world to.” He patted Joonhee’s head, and the kid beamed up at Woohyun before continuing to color. 

“Wow,” Howon blurted out before he could stop himself, still trying to process everything. “I never imagined I’d see you like this.” 

“Like what?” Woohyun quirked an eyebrow, amused. 

“Not obsessed with tennis,” Howon said solemnly. “You were such a tennis freak, you practically lived breathed ate slept tennis. To see you like this is...refreshing, actually.” He was rather impressed that Woohyun had sacrificed his lifelong dream of pro tennis for his son. 

“Well, I’m not giving it up completely,” Woohyun said. “I’ve accepted a coaching position at Seoul National University.” He grinned. “They were more than happy to have half of their champion doubles team back. So at least I’ll be based in Seoul while Joonhee goes to school, and can care for him.”

“That’s good,” Howon said, unsure how to respond to a happy Woohyun. It felt awkward to hear Woohyun speak, after such a long time of little to no contact between them. Plus the last few times they’d met up hadn’t been on the best of terms.

Woohyun smiled ruefully. “I have you to thank, though. You reminded me of what was important, especially after her death.” He sighed. “I can’t bring her back, but at least I can care for Joonhee properly.” 

Howon nodded. “He’s a good kid.” 

“Oh, the food is here!” Joonhee cheered, throwing his crayons in the air and clapping his chubby hands together. A few crayons hit Howon in the face. “Ack!” Howon clapped a hand to his forehead.

“Joonhee!” Woohyun said, alarmed. “Don’t do that!” 

Frightened at his dad’s stern tone and that he’d possibly injured his favorite doctor, Joonhee began to cry. 

“I’m ok, Joonhee.” Howon rubbed the sore spot on his forehead and cleared the crayons away from the table so that their waiter could put the food down. “Just be careful with your crayons next time, ok?” 

Joonhee nodded tearfully, looking from his daddy to Howon and back. “Is Daddy angry?”

“I think if you apologize and promise not to do it again, he’ll calm down,” Howon whispered conspiratorially. 

“I’m sorry, Doctor, Daddy, for throwing my crayons,” Joonhee sniffed. “I won’t do it again.” 

Woohyun ruffled his hair. “Alright. Let’s eat.” 

Howon smiled at Joonhee. “Yes, let’s eat.” 

Woohyun fastened Joonhee’s bib and portioned out his food for him. 

“I can eat on my own,” Joonhee insisted. 

Woohyun feigned surprise. “Really? Joonhee can eat on his own?”

He nodded. “I can!” 

“Joonhee is a big boy,” Howon praised him, and Joonhee preened. 

“Alright, Joonhee.” Woohyun handed him the fork and spoon. “Enjoy your food!” 

They watched Joonhee dig into his food happily, and then started on their own meals. 

“You’re good with children,” Woohyun commented. “I’m glad you were the one who helped Joonhee.” 

Howon shrugged. “I just tried to do whatever I could for him.” 

“But you weren’t like this in university,” Woohyun commented. 

“Well, it’s been years since we were in university. People change,” Howon pointed out. 

Woohyun bit his lip. “Yes, I guess that’s true.” 

Howon chose not to continue the conversation, focusing on eating his pasta. 

Finally Woohyun broke the silence, as Howon knew he would. “So how did you get so good with kids?”

“I don’t think I’m amazingly good, but I guess I picked up some skills when I worked in the Children’s Emergency department,” Howon replied, spearing a piece of sausage and nibbling on it. He noticed Woohyun’s gaze shift to his lips and self-consciously put the fork down, taking a napkin and dabbing at Joonhee’s sauce-stained cheeks. “Joonhee, you have sauce everywhere,” he said. “Are you feeding your face?”

“Yes!” Joonhee said happily. 

“That time…” Woohyun said suddenly, not seeming to notice Howon’s interlude with Joonhee. “That time, in Joonhee’s room, Sunggyu-hyung mentioned an Inguk-hyung.”

Howon froze in his act of cleaning Joonhee’s cheeks, causing the kid to turn to him inquiringly. 

“I – I know I have no right to ask about your life,” Woohyun went on, looking almost shy and at the same time frustrated. “But – But it’s been bugging me. Is he your boyfriend?” 

Howon felt a tugging on his wrist and looked up to see Joonhee’s chubby hand clutching his wrist. 

“Clean?” Joonhee asked. 

“Oh.” Howon busied himself with cleaning Joonhee’s face, trying to ignore the heat of Woohyun’s gaze. 

“Howon,” Woohyun said, low and desperate, almost like a plea. Howon tried not to remember the times he’d heard Woohyun say his name that way in happier times, but even if he tried not to remember, his body did. 

“I…” He trailed off, crumpling the dirty tissue and tucking it underneath his plate. He couldn’t meet Woohyun’s eyes. “I don’t know if I need to tell you that,” he breathed out, feeling irritation start to well inside him. “It’s...It’s personal.” 

“I know that.” Woohyun’s voice was full of regret and desperation, and Howon continued to look away from him, knowing his eyes would have more of the same emotions. “But I…”

“You have no right to ask any personal questions of me now when you haven’t cared about my personal life for the past seven years,” Howon said in a furious whisper, trying to keep his emotions under control so he wouldn’t alarm Joonhee. 

“That’s not – I always cared –- I do care –” Woohyun shook his head, trying to speak, but it seemed like the words wouldn’t come out. Howon wasn’t surprised; he was certain any explanation he could offer would be full of lame excuses and half-assed apologies.

“You cared enough to dump the deadweight that was your doubles partner and turn pro on your own,” Howon said coldly. “So much for caring.” 

Woohyun looked torn between wanting to cry and losing his temper. “That’s not – you didn’t care either! You never messaged me! Even when I asked that we remain friends!” 

“Who just – Who just backstabs their boyfriend over pro tennis, breaks up with them and insists that they stay friends?” Howon hissed, clenching his fists. “That person is a jerk.” 

Woohyun’s mouth opened and closed uselessly. “I…” he started to say, then stopped, looking helpless. He opened his mouth again to speak, but stopped when Joonhee whimpered. Both of them immediately swung to face him. 

Joonhee was clutching his fork tightly, gazing at both of them with wide, fearful eyes. “Are...Are Daddy and Doctor mad at each other?” he asked, voice wobbly. “Why?” 

Howon’s shoulders sank. “I’m sorry for frightening you, Joonhee,” he said gently. “Are you done eating?” 

Joonhee nodded. “Are you mad at Daddy?”

“No, I’m not,” Howon said. He could hear Woohyun cough in disbelief, and continued to smile sweetly at Joonhee. “I barely know your Daddy, why would I be mad at him?”

“You–” Woohyun began to say, eyes flashing, but Howon cut him off. 

“But I’m sorry, Joonhee, I have to go,” Howon said, pulling out his wallet and counting out notes. He tucked the money for his meal underneath his plate. “I’ll see you again next time.”

Joonhee pouted.

“Howon–” Woohyun tried to stop him, but Howon left without a second glance at their table. 

Joonhee kicked his chubby legs, scowling at his daddy. “Bad Daddy,” he complained. “Daddy made Doctor go away.” 

Woohyun sighed, resting his chin on his propped up hand and watching Joonhee throw a mini tantrum. “Yes, bad Daddy,” he agreed.

* * *

The crowd roared and rose to its feet as Howon smashed the last ball past their opponents, winning the team championship for Seoul University. He dropped his racket, pulling off his grey bandana and tossing it into the air as Woohyun barrelled into him, clutching him and screaming and crying simultaneously. 

“We did it,” he said breathlessly, holding Woohyun tight and trying to control his tears. It had been such a hard-fought battle, their opponents scoring points off their hidden weaknesses and exploiting their teamwork and causing them to doubt their trust in each other in the middle of the match. 

But somehow they’d pulled through, they’d re-forged their relationship in the heat of the battle and they’d _won_. 

“Yah, Woohyun-ah, you’re choking me,” Howon gasped out when Woohyun’s hug became too tight for him to bear. The minute Woohyun let go, though, their teammates descended on them, yelling and screaming and grabbing them in giant hugs.

Howon closed his eyes and savoured the moment; one unlike any other. A moment that he would never have experienced if he’d just stuck to studying. He was so glad that he’d given into Woohyun’s repeated pleas for them to play doubles together. 

Nam Woohyun and Lee Howon. Seoul National University. The World Varsity U-23 Championships (Team). _Champions._

Three days later, they made history again by clinching the Doubles title in the same competition. Their names and faces were splashed across every major Korean and international newspaper, heralding them as the beginning of a golden era for Korea’s tennis scene. Experts were already starting to make predictions for their futures as tennis pros and Olympians. 

It was the time when they were ridiculously, deliriously overjoyed and on top of the world and yet, at the same time, they would individually look back years later and recognize the time as the beginning of their downfall.

* * *

“Are you Lee Howon?” A girl stopped Howon while he was walking through the A&E Department to get to another patient. 

Howon looked at her askance, but stopped. “Yes?”

She held out her copy of a magazine with his and Woohyun’s faces splashed across the cover, and a marker. “Could you sign this?” 

Howon took a look at the page she opened the magazine to and saw that it was an article about Woohyun and him. He saw pictures of their tennis wins and interactions and a picture from that fateful day, a shot of Woohyun punching him in the hospital. His mouth twisted and he turned away from her. “No, sorry.” 

“But – I’m a big fan!” she chased after him, protesting. “I think you two look good together!” 

He swallowed down the bile rising in his throat and walked faster. _’Stupid Nam Woohyun, how does he handle all this harassment on a daily basis?’_  
.  
.  
.  
“Dr. Han, I didn’t ask for any of this,” Howon said quietly. He was in his boss’s office again after articles detailing his and Woohyun’s past exploded on the Internet, along with posts made by ‘shippers’ who claimed to be fans of him and Woohyun as a couple. “I didn’t even know there were such people who promoted us as a couple.” 

“Well, it’s now an issue, unfortunately,” Dr. Han said, rubbing his temples. “Just when I thought the chaos had blown over.” He sighed. “Aren’t you dating anyone right now?” 

Howon remained quiet. 

“Are you?” his boss asked again, looking irritated. 

“No,” Howon said simply. 

“Can’t you get a girlfriend?” he said. “I’ll introduce you to a girl if you’re having trouble.” 

“With all due respect, sir, I don’t think that’ll solve the problem,” Howon said. 

“With all due respect, Howon, the best way to solve this problem would be to fire you,” Dr. Han snapped at him. “But the Human Resource director insists that firing you now would bring even greater backlash, so…” 

Howon waited silently while his boss fumed silently. 

“We’re putting you on administrative duty,” he finally said. “No contact with patients until further notice. You’ll file reports, analyse data, clear backlogs – anything that does not require you to talk to patients. You will only use staff security corridors to move around the hospital. Pack your lunch or get someone to buy it for you. You should not be seen around the hospital as far as possible. And after office hours…” He took a deep breath. “Obviously we can’t control you then, but it would be in your best interests to stay out of sight of the media.”

Howon nodded. “Is that all?”

“Yeah,” his boss said. “Look, I don’t like this as much as you, but that’s all we can do for now. Stay out of sight until the next scandal hits.” 

Howon bowed and left.  
.  
.  
.  
Back in his office – now his cage – Howon locked the door and slumped into his chair. 

Some unhelpful person had unthoughtfully left a copy of the magazine on Howon’s table, opened to their article. Howon picked it up.

Whoever had written the article had done their research. It detailed their high school tennis exploits, their meeting in university, their championship wins, and provided a great deal of subtext and theories about their relationship on the tennis court and off it. They even theorized that Woohyun’s recent retirement was so that he could be close to Howon, using Joonhee as a shield for their budding relationship. Reading about the fake theories made him want to vomit, misinterpreting actions and explanations in favor of their own scandal-making news. They were fortunate that none of their close friends and former teammates had spilled anything about their former relationship as a couple to the media. 

He didn’t even deserve this – he’d been out of the public’s sight since his university days when he’d chosen to become a doctor. It was all that Nam Woohyun’s fault. 

Howon tossed the magazine in his rubbish bin and leaned back into his chair, shutting his eyes. In his mind’s eye, he could see the youthful, charming Woohyun of 10 years ago being replaced by today’s Woohyun, confident, assured, as distractingly handsome as ever…

Howon shook his head and let out a huff of frustration. He knew he was resorting to his 10 years ago tactic of staying as irritated and annoyed as he could towards Woohyun so that his resolve wouldn’t crumble, but it wasn’t working very well. Not simply because Woohyun had grown into his looks and was hotter than ever, but because Woohyun had changed in ways Howon hadn’t expected him to. 

He recalled the loving, fatherly look Woohyun had given Joonhee and the easy way he’d spoken of sacrificing his career and dreams for his son, and cursed. Instead, he forced himself to think of how cruelly Woohyun had treated him during the breakup and over the last seven years, how he’d ruined everything Howon had been working for with one yelled sentence, and how he was still ruining Howon’s life by simply existing. 

His phone beeped, and he pulled it out of his pocket, scrolling through his messages. Three from his mother, expressing concern over his recent publicity and asking if he wanted to return home and rest with them for a while. He typed a quick message to her telling her he was fine and that he wouldn’t go home to Busan for a while, in case he was being followed by the media. 

One from Sunggyu, a short, curt ‘I heard’ followed by a brief sentence offering to help him pack food and give him rides to and from work. He smiled, typing out a simple ‘thanks, hyung’. 

A few from his friends, asking if he was alright and if he wanted to hang out. He ignored those messages for now; it was exhausting to explain himself over and over again. Plus Howon had never really been that close to them; he hung out with them for companionship. When he really needed advice or comfort, he often looked for Sunggyu, and sometimes Dongwoo.

And finally, the messages from Woohyun. Howon thought of deleting the messages without reading them, but he gave into curiosity and clicked on Woohyun’s name. 

_Howon-ah???? Are you there?_

_Howonnie?_

_I saw the article...I’m sorry. I didn’t tell them anything, I swear._

_Answer me, please? I know this is your phone...Sunggyu-hyung confirmed that your number hasn’t changed._

_I know you’re upset at me but I still think we need to talk. Please?_

Howon gripped his phone so tightly his knuckles went white. It started buzzing in his hand, _Nam Woohyun_ flashing on his call screen. 

He was tempted not to pick up the phone, but knew that Woohyun was capable of redialling his number a hundred or more times, or worse, coming to his office to hunt him down. And his bosses would not like that at all. So he picked up. 

“What?” he snapped. 

“Howon-ah!” He heard Woohyun gasp, sounding relieved. 

“Don’t call me that,” he gritted out. “We’re not close. What do you want?”

“I – I just wanted to find out if you were alright,” he could hear the hurt in Woohyun’s voice, and he hated himself for putting it there. 

“I’m fine,” he said blandly. “Is that all?”

“No, wait!” 

“What else do you want?” 

“I want to meet up. Please?” Woohyun pleaded, sounding sincere and desperate. “There’s a lot you don’t know - I mean, there’s some things I need to explain to you.”

“We can’t meet,” Howon said. 

“I’ll meet you – we can find somewhere quiet…”

“We can’t meet,” Howon stated. 

“Your house? Mine? Your office? Somewhere safe.”

“We can’t meet,” Howon said for the third time, his voice brittle. “There’s nowhere safe.” 

Silence. Howon wondered if he’d successfully shut Woohyun up. 

“Do you want to meet but can’t, or do you not want to meet me at all?” Woohyun asked. 

Now it was Howon’s turn to fall silent and contemplate Woohyun’s question. 

“If you are willing to meet me, I promise I will find a safe space for us to meet up so we can talk,” Woohyun promised earnestly. 

Howon hated this Woohyun. He missed the old Woohyun, emotional and easily coaxed into doing whatever Howon wanted. This Woohyun had opinions, had a strong will, and had ways of articulating Howon’s deepest innermost desires that Howon didn’t even know he had. 

He shut his eyes. “I don’t mind meeting you,” he said very softly, as if afraid that his room was bugged and his bosses would find out. 

“Thank you,” Woohyun said, voice full of emotion, which Howon pretended he couldn’t hear. “I’ll text you the details.” 

“Ok,” Howon said, hanging up.  
.  
.  
.  
A week later, news about them had died down again, and Howon had just felt comfortable venturing out of his apartment for groceries and food when he got a text message from Woohyun. It listed a date, time and an address. He thought the address seemed familiar, but didn’t think much of it, replying Woohyun with an ‘ok’. 

He dutifully arrived at the place at the stipulated date and time, only to find it looking deserted. He knocked anyway, and was greeted by a tall man whom he found vaguely familiar. 

“Come in, Howon-sshi,” the man said. “I’m Woohyun-sshi’s bodyguard.” 

Howon figured he had nothing to lose and entered. The man led him through a few corridors - odd, it felt like they weren’t in the original house anymore - and then they reached a door. 

“Someone else is waiting for you on the other side and will tell you where to go next,” he said, bowing to Howon. 

Howon could hear noise from the other side of the door and hoped it wasn’t a trap. He nodded and opened the door uncertainly. 

He barely got a glimpse of a familiar face before he was enveloped in a hug. “Howon-ah!” he heard, and memories washed over him like rain. 

“A-Ahjumma…” he said meekly, and she pulled away to glare at him. “What did I tell you about calling me that!”

“Mother,” he said weakly, trying to get used to the sight of Woohyun’s mother, older, but just as brisk and no-nonsense as ever. “What - how?” 

“Woohyun bought over the entire row of shophouses for his father and me a few years ago,” she said. “He had dreams of leasing the shop space out and for us to retire as landlords.” She snorted. “Silly kid. We refused, obviously. So he converted the interiors so they would link to each other, and we use the space as an extended living area. He uses it to visit us secretly so we don’t get mobbed by fans and reporters.” 

“Oh,” Howon said, still stunned. “It feels like something out of a spy movie.” But it was totally Woohyun’s style, over the top, extravagant and flamboyant, just like his tennis. 

She laughed. “Woohyun spends money like water. Here, do you want some water? Woohyun’s already upstairs, but he can wait a while.” 

“Yes please,” he said, needing to calm himself before he faced Woohyun. He had an inkling of what Woohyun wanted to talk about, and if he was right, Woohyun wouldn’t like his reaction or what he was going to say in reply. 

She fetched him a glass of water. “It must be tough for you, seeing yourself and him in the newspapers and on the Internet recently,” she said sympathetically. 

“I’m sorry for the trouble that it caused you,” Howon said automatically, bowing. 

She scoffed. “It’s not your fault. It’s all that kid’s fault, dumping you and then getting that girl knocked up - hmph! Joonhee’s adorable, but he’s spent three years of his life without his father, and no amount of care and love he pours into Joonhee’s life now will change that fact.”

“If he’d stayed with me, you wouldn’t have your grandson, Mother,” Howon felt compelled to point out. “I’m grateful that you both accepted us back then, but...wasn’t it better that we broke up?”

She eyed him. “Better for whom?” she asked shrewdly, and Howon had no answer to that. 

Her eyes softened. “Anyway, it’s no use talking about the past. Just go talk to that kid and figure out something. He’s starting to whine about how you won’t talk to him or meet him and it’s so annoying.”

Howon finished his water and put the cup down. “Ok. Thanks,” he said softly. 

She pulled him close for another hug. “Come back and visit if you can, yeah? Even if you don’t want to see him anymore. I’ll arrange it such that you don’t have to see him when you come.” 

Howon smiled wanly. “Ok.” 

He trudged up the familiar staircase to the second storey where Woohyun’s room was. He’d visited a lot, in their university days. Woohyun had been open to his parents since high school about his sexuality and when he’d brought Howon home, they’d accepted him readily. This place had been his sanctuary away from the pressures of school, a place he could experience home away from home. 

Woohyun was waiting in the doorway, watching Howon silently. He ushered Howon into his room before shutting the door. He was dressed in his favorite outfit of a baggy t-shirt and shorts and the sight made Howon’s heart ache for a time ten years past. 

Howon sat on the chair while Woohyun sat down on his bed. “This is your idea of a safe space?” Howon said, trying to keep his voice neutral. 

Woohyun smiled slightly. “Hide in the most obvious place, and no one will think to look for you,” he said. “Besides, no one would get their cameras past my mother.” 

“Your idea of buying over the shop houses and connecting them is ridiculous, by the way.” Howon shook his head. “I’m surprised your mother didn’t scold you for that.”

Woohyun looked shamefaced. “She did. She thought it was an utter waste of money. But I did it when I’d just got really famous and couldn’t go anywhere in Seoul without being mobbed. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to visit her quietly. So she finally agreed.” 

Howon shrugged. “Fair enough. So what do you want to talk about?” 

“Our past,” Woohyun said. “I...I didn’t mean for things to turn out the way they did,” he said. “I thought I was doing you a favour. I really did.”

“Doing me a favour?” Howon echoed.

* * *

“Howon!” Woohyun bounded up to Howon, who was eating a late lunch in a quiet corner of the school cafeteria. “Howon, did you get the phone call?” 

Howon looked up. “From the tennis agent, Lee Sungjong? Yes, I did. He offered us a doubles contract.”

Woohyun pumped his fist. “Yes! He – I mean, we did it!”

Howon looked at him quizzically. “He?”

“Anyway, you’re going to accept the offer, right? Then we can play doubles together on the world stage!” Woohyun’s eyes shone. “Imagine! Maybe we’d even take Olympic gold! And Grand Slam titles!” 

Howon bit his lip. “Woohyun...I have to think about it,” he said hesitantly, immediately seeing Woohyun’s eyes dim. “It’s not like that. I have to think about how I’m going to explain this to my parents...and about our studies.” 

“But this is a once-in-a-lifetime offer!” Woohyun cried. “Shouldn’t you just take it?” 

“I wish I could,” Howon said. “But I have to discuss this with my parents first.” He smiled reassuringly at Woohyun. “I’ll try my best, ok? I really want to continue to play tennis with you too.”

Woohyun nodded, unconvinced. True enough, one day passed, two, and then three, and Howon still hadn’t given him an answer, or looked like he was discussing it with anyone at all. 

Only when he made an unexpected visit to Howon’s dorm room did he overhear a conversation that sealed his decision and their fate. He pressed himself to the wall, listening to the conversation that floated out of the dorm room, the door left ajar.

“What’s up?” Sunggyu asked. 

Howon sighed. “I really want to play doubles with Woohyun,” he said. “It’s scary, to think that something we played for fun could become a career. Could mean winning world titles and gold medals.”

“But?” Sunggyu pressed him.

“But...I don’t know if I should,” Howon said. “What if we don’t do well? It’ll mean even more training and practicing and a lot more pressure. What if we fail? What if we break up? How will that affect our doubles teamwork?”

“Well, you won’t know until you try,” Sunggyu said practically. “The contract’s just for 3 years, with an option to renew. And they’re even willing to pay the bond for your scholarship, so you can defer your studies. You’re only in year 3 of your medical studies after all, you still have another 3 years to go.”

Howon sighed. “I know.”

“Something’s holding you back?” Sunggyu said. 

“When I was a kid, my mother had cancer,” Howon said. “My older brother was already in elementary school and my younger brother was too young to understand anything. I spent the most time with her. I refused to go to kindergarten whenever she was in the hospital. And I remember the doctors and nurses being really kind to me, but also to her. They took care of her when she was in pain and treated her to the best of their ability. And they never lied to me – they said it nicely, but they never shied away from telling me that she was really sick and might die.”

Woohyun listened from outside, his hands bunching into fists. 

“The doctors gave us the good news when she was all better – when the cancer had left – and I remember how happy all of them looked. The nurses, too. They were as happy as we were. And I remember thinking that I wanted to be like them,” Howon said. “I wanted that same kind of joy. I wanted to be a doctor, like them, and help to save lives, like how they’d saved my mother.” 

“So you entered medical school because of that?” Sunggyu asked. 

Howon nodded. “Well, it started from there. Now that we’ve started practicum and get to see real patients, it makes me really happy and satisfied when they’re cured. And my parents are happy that I’ve been doing well in tennis, but they’d be just as happy, if not happier if I became a doctor.” He sighed. “I don’t know.” 

Woohyun had heard enough. He crept away, feeling guilty. 

Ever since Howon had agreed to join him in playing doubles, his grades had slipped. They’d held steady around the middle of the class, but Howon had always assured Woohyun that his grades were sufficient to keep his scholarship. He’d never actually told Woohyun his reason for entering medical school, even though Woohyun had asked him before. Now that Woohyun knew the reason, he felt even guiltier for wanting to take Howon away from his dream. 

Howon didn’t know, but the pro offer had originally been to Woohyun alone. It was through pleading and persuading and threats not to accept the offer that the agent had caved and agreed to include Howon. But if Howon didn’t share his dream, Woohyun didn’t want Howon to accept the offer just because of him.

He pulled out his phone as he walked, dialling the agent’s number. He’d decided not to derail Howon any further from his future.  
.  
.  
.  
They met, a few days later, Howon’s gaze icy cold and Woohyun shifting uncomfortably, unable to meet his eyes. 

“I called the agent,” Howon started. “He said that you’d called him earlier and changed your mind about playing doubles.”

Woohyun nodded. “The original offer was for me alone, which I decided to accept. It’s been fun playing doubles, but ultimately I’ll go further on my own,” he said carelessly, shrugging.

Howon bit his lip. “So...we’re breaking up too?” he asked. 

“I guess so?” Woohyun said. “I mean, you have to focus on your studies and I’ll be training overseas. We won’t have time to meet, let alone date. Plus I’m going to be famous, and it’d be problematic if news of our relationship got out.” 

“...fine. Since you’ve got it all planned out,” Howon said. “I guess this is it, then.” He was about to walk away when Woohyun stopped him. 

“Wait,” Woohyun said, panicking and grabbing his wrist. “Wait. I mean – um, I know we’re over, but can we remain friends?” He knew logically that they had to break up, but he didn’t want to let go of Howon like this. It felt like he’d never see Howon again. 

“Sure,” Howon replied. “Whatever you want.” He pulled his wrist free from Woohyun and walked away, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched. 

Woohyun winced, knowing Howon was far more hurt than he’d let on. He texted Dongwoo and Sunggyu, pleading with them to take care of Howon for him. 

When he got the news that Howon had made valedictorian, he was in a plane getting ready to fly from Los Angeles to London for Wimbledon. He texted Howon to congratulate him. 

Howon never replied. 

Undeterred, Woohyun kept messaging Howon, trying to keep in contact. He counted every single reply Howon sent him, even if it were just a one word ‘ok’. 

When he married his girlfriend in a shotgun marriage, he invited Howon along with the rest of his university teammates, and Howon agreed to come. 

But on the day of the wedding, Woohyun received a text from Howon: _Can’t come. Emergency at work. Best wishes._

Woohyun sighed, certain by now that Howon had taken their breakup to heart. 

After that day, he stopped messaging Howon too.

* * *

“I overheard you and Gyu-hyung talking,” Woohyun explained. “About the offer to turn pro.” He looked frustrated. “I didn’t want to make you choose between your family and your childhood dreams and me.” 

“So you made the choice for me?” Howon said, voice low and dangerous. “Who gave you the right to choose for me?”

“I didn’t know what else to do!” Woohyun said helplessly. “I thought you were going to choose me and I’d have to live with the guilt of knowing you’d given up so much for me – I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to live with that!” 

“So you cut me out of the deal and left me behind?” Howon pressed. “Sungjong-sshi told me the truth, you know. He told me that you’d originally fought really hard for me to be included in the offer, and he was very surprised that you’d suddenly changed your mind all over again. I managed to convince him that you were still worthy of signing despite your fickle mindedness.” 

“You…” Woohyun was speechless. 

“Also who the fuck gave you the right to make decisions for me?” Howon demanded. “How dare you assume I would give up my dreams just for you? Who do you think you are, Nam Woohyun? Even if I did give up my dream of being a doctor to play pro tennis with you – it would be my own personal choice! Not one that was forced by you!” 

Woohyun cringed, knowing that Howon was well and truly mad. He’d never seen Howon this angry before, and was quickly readjusting his personal opinion of Howon being cute when mad. This Howon was terrifying.

“Did you think I’d be all weepy and teary and touched that you sacrificed for me?” Howon continued furiously. “Sorry, I moved on, I graduated top of the class, I have a proper job and a career path and I don’t need you to come back now and pretend to be my prince charming.” 

“But...don’t you still like me?” Woohyun said feebly. 

Howon’s thunderstruck expression greeted his statement. “What the fuck?” Howon said eloquently. 

“I mean – you stopped talking to me!” Woohyun defended himself. 

“That was because you were a jerk and I don’t like talking to jerks,” Howon snapped. 

“But – you didn’t come to my wedding! You pulled out at the last minute with a lame excuse of having a work emergency… _oh shit_.”

“Newsflash, Nam Woohyun,” Howon said, rolling his eyes. “When I say it’s an emergency, it’s really an emergency. You’re so obsessed with yourself that you didn’t even _know_ which department I was in. Why would I fake an emergency to not go to your wedding?”

“I thought you were still in love with me and wouldn’t be able to handle watching me get married to a woman…” Woohyun said feebly. 

“Seriously? This isn’t a drama,” Howon said, torn between amusement and frustration at Woohyun’s immaturity. “Grow up, Woohyun. I moved on, and I thought you did too.” 

“So you really dated that Inguk guy?” Woohyun asked. 

“Yes, I did. I dated other guys before him, too,” Howon answered. “I worked through my post-breakup blues, got down to studying hard, and met and dated other guys. I went on with my life.” 

“Oh.” Woohyun slumped back, fingers tapping his bed. “I thought…”

“You thought what?” Howon echoed. “That I still liked you and we could get back together?”

Woohyun shrugged helplessly. “Maybe?” 

Howon took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Woohyun, we’re not in a romantic movie. This is real life. I didn’t pine after you for seven years and I wouldn’t expect you to do the same for me.” 

“But we could continue where we left off?” Woohyun suggested tentatively. 

“We’re not the same people that we used to be, Woohyun.” Howon resisted the urge to smack his head. “You’ve changed, I’ve changed. Just because we broke up over a misunderstanding doesn’t mean we have to get back together now.” 

Woohyun was silent. 

“Look,” Howon said tiredly. “Maybe we didn’t end this properly seven years ago. So let’s end it now, once and for all. We’re done. Over. Finished. We’re not dating. We’re not a couple. Please move on with your life, for your son’s sake, if not your own.” 

Woohyun didn’t respond, so Howon got up and left the room, traipsing down the stairs quietly. 

Woohyun’s mother still heard him, and came to him, worry on her face. “I heard yelling,” she said anxiously. “Are you alright?”

“I’m alright,” he said wanly. “But I think Woohyun might not be. I’m sorry.” He bowed to her and left, ignoring her calls of “Howon-ah!”.

As he trudged back through the long, dimly-lit corridor, he thought of what Inguk had said to him when they broke up. 

_”Howon-ah, you’re a great guy. You’re willing to sacrifice your dreams just to be with me, and that shows how much you love me. But it scares me as well. I’m not sure I can return that level of commitment. I’m sorry.”_

He sighed. Maybe it wasn’t Woohyun after all, it was him. After all, Woohyun had broken up with him for pretty much the same reason – afraid that Howon would really sacrifice his dreams for him. 

But to Howon, it was simpler. If a new love came along, one that was more important to him, why shouldn’t he give up his old dream for the new? It seemed so logical and understandable to him – why couldn’t people understand? 

He’d always had a reputation for his tireless work ethic, but it was also because he didn’t see the need to get close to people if they were going to leave him. He’d never felt that he lacked anything – he had his work, which was fulfilling and rewarding, he had his seniors like Sunggyu and Dongwoo, and right up till a few months ago he’d had an understanding and loving boyfriend. 

But now he’d lost the interaction with patients, he’d lost his boyfriend, and his seniors had their own lives and couldn’t always be with him. He hunched his shoulders, feeling an emptiness inside him that couldn’t be ignored anymore. 

He reached the end of the corridor, nodding to the bodyguard who was still standing there, silent and watchful. “Thank you,” he said, missing the way the bodyguard’s eyes widened and looked past Howon. 

“Woohyun-sshi– ” the bodyguard said. 

“Eh?” Howon turned around, only to see Woohyun crash into him. 

“Wait!” Woohyun panted. “Wait.” 

Howon didn’t know what to do, holding Woohyun so he wouldn’t fall. “Woohyun?”

“I’m willing to move on with my life,” Woohyun panted as he leaned against Howon. “But I want you in it.”

“What?” Howon said. The bodyguard coughed discreetly and stepped outside to give them some space. 

“What I said,” Woohyun repeated. “I want you in my life from now on. As a friend first, and hopefully, soon to be boyfriend and lover.” 

Howon shook his head, stepping away from Woohyun. “I just said–”

“I know you said we’re over. Finished. Nada.” Woohyun didn’t budge, stepping forward as Howon stepped back. “So since we’re over – I can ask you out all over again, right?”

“But we tried, and it didn’t work,” Howon said in disbelief. “Why try again?”

“Because we’re different people now,” Woohyun said firmly, and Howon was immediately wary of the change in his tone. “And that means we can start afresh. Just because we were attracted to each other back then and broke up doesn’t mean we can’t be freshly attracted to each other now.” 

“But we can’t live on being attracted to each other,” Howon said. “You have to provide for Joonhee and yourself. And I need to keep my job.” 

“Your job?” Woohyun looked surprised, then concerned. “Did your boss get upset over our scandal?” 

“He’s been threatening to fire me every time I land up in the newspapers next to you,” Howon said blandly. “Maybe I’ll just save him the trouble and quit.” 

Woohyun frowned, then set his jaw stubbornly. “No, don’t quit. It’s not your fault. I’ll figure out something – I’ll find a way for you to keep your job and date me at the same time.” 

“Yah, Woohyun, don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself?” Howon asked. “What makes you think I’ll accept you?” 

Woohyun suddenly grinned, the mischievous grin that Howon had grown to love and dread simultaneously. “People change, but some things don’t change. I know what you look like when you’re trying to pretend you aren’t attracted to me.” 

“Evidently, your disgusting pick-up lines didn’t change either,” Howon said in disgust, but Woohyun tut-tutted and shook his head. 

“I know that tone! It’s the I’m-secretly-attracted-but-omg-you’re-so-cheesy-I’ll-pretend-I’m-disgusted tone,” Woohyun sang. 

“Yah!” Howon was ready to hit him, but Woohyun’s bodyguard poked his head back in. 

“Woohyun-sshi, I can’t keep loitering around outside, people will get suspicious,” he said. 

Howon gratefully took the chance to make his escape. “Bye, don’t call me.” 

“I’ll text you!” Woohyun called out.  
.  
.  
.  
The very next day, Howon got a text while at work. 

_Hi, Howon =.=_

_I’ve hired a PR firm to help manage the scandal. They’ve promised to get your name out of search rankings and top trending news in 2 weeks. If they don’t, I get my money back. ^^_

Howon scoffed, already typing a reply. 

_And what about my job?_

The reply was almost instantaneous. 

_Don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of u! ^-^_

Howon decided not to reply. The annoyance and irritableness was building up again. He had to let it go, or it would lead to a conclusion he wasn’t prepared to face.  
.  
.  
.  
Howon stood in his boss’s office quietly. He’d been summoned again, after nearly 2 weeks of pure administrative work, writing reports and analysing data. Some nurses and doctors had been outraged on his behalf, but he’d simply smiled and asked them to let it go. Besides, it had been a nice reprieve from constantly feeling like he was being watched and observed when he went on duty, afraid that there were cameras ready to capture his mistakes. 

“So,” Dr. Han said briskly. “It seems like your scandal has blown over.”

Howon resisted the urge to point out that it wasn’t his scandal and nodded. 

“I personally think it’s a little too early, but the management have decided to put you back on duty. Something about not having enough doctors on call and not being able to justify this favoritism.” He scoffed. 

_’It’s not favoritism if I’m being denied what I’m supposed to do as a doctor,’_ Howon thought, but he kept quiet. 

“For your own good, though, you should stay away from him. That Nam Woohyun guy. If he comes to the emergency room for treatment, get another doctor to treat him. Got it?” 

Howon nodded. “I’ll make sure to stay away from him at work,” he said calmly. “Is there anything else, sir?” 

His boss eyed him, but eventually shook his head. 

Howon left the office, breathing a sigh of relief.  
.  
.  
.  
Unfortunately for Woohyun, even though their scandal had pretty much disappeared from public scrutiny, Howon was still unavailable for him to pursue. 

“Why can’t you meet me tonight?” Woohyun asked over the phone, sounding disappointed. 

“I told you, I have to work,” Howon explained. 

“But you said that yesterday night!” Woohyun complained. 

“I work shifts, Woohyun. It’s the Accident & Emergency department; we’re open round the clock, seven days a week. I’m on night shift today, same as yesterday’s.” 

“But that’s unfair.”

“Well, I was free in the afternoon, but you weren’t,” Howon pointed out. 

“I had training!” Howon could practically see Woohyun pouting and whining into his phone, face scrunched up unhappily. 

“So I’m not the only one who’s busy – you are too,” Howon said. 

“Send me your schedule for the month,” Woohyun said. “I’ll work something out.” 

Howon reluctantly did, but they ended up fighting again. 

“Look, I’m not going to meet you after a nine-hour shift at 6 am in the morning,” Howon pressed his hand to his forehead and resisted the urge to yell at Woohyun. “I’m appreciative that you’re trying to accommodate my schedule, but I need to rest and so do you.” 

“I could come over to your house and cook for you,” Woohyun offered. 

“And if Joonhee wakes up and looks for you in the middle of the night?” Howon shot back. “Besides, I don’t think we’re that close yet, Woohyun-sshi.” 

Silence. Howon wondered if he’d been a little too harsh. He sighed. “I guess we could go for an early breakfast,” he said. “Before I go home and you go to work.”

“Sure!” Woohyun immediately perked up, sounding happy. 

“But I’ll probably be very tired and won’t be much company,” Howon warned him. 

“It’s ok, I just want to see you,” Woohyun said. “I miss you. I can’t believe I went so long without seeing you face to face.” 

“Sure,” Howon said dryly, ignoring his drivel. “See you. Don’t drive to the hospital car park – I’ll meet you at the nearby train station.”  
.  
.  
.  
“Morning!” Howon said, a little too cheerfully for the early hour. He slid into the passenger seat of Woohyun’s car, shutting the door. 

Woohyun grumbled as he drove the car. “Aren’t you tired?” he asked. “You just worked a full 9-hour shift and usually you’re difficult to wake up in the mornings.” 

Howon hummed. “I just drank a cup of coffee,” he said. “And I still have difficulty getting up in the morning – but I didn’t go to bed at all, so I guess that’s your answer.” He looked over at Woohyun. “What about you? You look wrecked.”

“I didn’t sleep well,” Woohyun muttered. 

“Why, were you busy thinking about what to wear today?” Howon teased him. 

“No, Joonhee woke up crying in the middle of the night for his mother,” Woohyun replied, and Howon sobered immediately. “I spent most of the night walking up and down with him until he calmed down.” 

“Then, where is he now?” Howon asked. “You left him at home alone?”

Woohyun quirked an eyebrow at Howon. “You think that badly of me?” he teased. “No, of course not. My mother stayed over last night, so she’s watching him now. He didn’t sleep until 4 am, so he’ll probably sleep for another 8 hours or so.” 

“I...I see.” Howon bit his lip. “You should have stayed home to rest too,” he said. “We can have breakfast another time.” 

“But I wanted to see you,” Woohyun said simply. “I have to get up anyway, for morning training. Seeing you gives me strength.” 

Howon wrinkled his nose at the cheesy line. “Fine. Don’t regret it. Where are we going?”

They ended up at the same cafe that they’d been to previously with Joonhee. The cafe was already open, and there were a few people getting coffee and bread before trudging off to work. 

“I didn’t know this place opened so early,” Howon commented. 

Woohyun smiled secretively but didn’t say a word, opening the door for Howon. They sat down in the same hideaway corner, ordering coffee and breakfast sets. 

“You’re hiding something,” Howon accused. 

Woohyun looked surprised. “What?” he said innocently. 

“I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it,” Howon said emphatically. “Spill.” 

“Well, usually the cafe isn’t open so early,” Woohyun began. “It opened early because I rang the manager and asked them to open early today.” 

Howon blinked. “You know the manager?” 

“I own the cafe,” Woohyun said, grinning. “There, that’s what I was hiding.” 

“Oh.” For some reason, Howon felt a little disappointed that Woohyun’s secret wasn’t something else. He changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on why he felt disappointed. “How’s Joonhee? Is he still going for therapy?” 

“Yes.” The coffee arrived, and Woohyun stirred in sugar and milk before taking a sip. “He’s as alright as a three year old kid who’s lost his mom can be, I guess.” He sighed. “It breaks my heart to see him trying to be so strong for me.” 

“You miss her too?” Howon asked softly. 

The waiter chose that moment to arrive with their food, effectively halting whatever reply Woohyun was going to make. 

“Scrambled eggs for you,” the waiter said to Howon, “and poached eggs for you, sir. Thank you.” 

They nodded at him. “Thanks.” 

After the waiter left, Howon started eating, not bringing up the topic of their earlier conversation. For some reason, he didn’t want to hear Woohyun’s reply, fearing it would confuse him further. 

“I miss her,” Woohyun finally said, and Howon felt his heart drop at the admission. 

“I...see,” Howon said in reply, unsure what else he could say to that. 

“I miss her, but because I regret not having proper closure with her before she left,” Woohyun continued. “When we married, it was purely because she was pregnant with Joonhee. There wasn’t much of a relationship between us, and even after marriage, we barely talked.” He poked at one of his poached eggs, breaking the yolk and letting the yellow liquid flow all over his bread. “I spent all my time training and competing.”

“So, when you were winning all your Grand Slams…” Howon trailed off. 

Woohyun nodded. “My marriage was going to hell,” he finished the sentence. “I knew it, but I deliberately avoided talking to her. I guess I didn’t want to face it, face the fact that I’d screwed up another relationship. But then, I lost the chance to talk to her completely.” 

“I’m sorry,” Howon said quietly. “It must have been tough for you.”

“It was hard on her too,” Woohyun said. “And I don’t know what I can do anymore - I know I can’t apologize to her directly, but I wish I could do something to remember her by.” 

Howon toyed with his scrambled eggs. “You’re trying your best with Joonhee,” he said. “I’m sure she’d be happy about that.” 

Woohyun smiled wanly. “I suppose. But I want to do something more for her.” 

“Is her family still mad at you?” Howon asked tentatively. 

Woohyun shrugged. “They’ve asked to have Joonhee visit at least once a month. Every time I drop him off, I make sure to apologize, although they ignore me. It’s better than the curse words they hurled at me during the funeral, though.” 

Howon impulsively reached out to touch Woohyun’s hand. “Hang in there,” he said earnestly. “Things will get better. They’re probably hurting and upset right now. After they grieve and get over their anger, they’ll be able to recognize that you’re trying your best for Joonhee.” 

Woohyun looked surprised at Howon’s sudden gesture, making Howon squirm and regret his action. Before Howon could pull his hand back, Woohyun turned his wrist and clasped Howon’s hand in return.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling at Howon. Howon’s eyes widened and he ducked his head to hide his blush. 

“The tips of your ears are red, you know,” Woohyun commented, and Howon could hear the laughter in his voice. 

“Shut up,” he muttered, yanking his hand from Woohyun’s. 

After breakfast, Woohyun drove Howon to the nearby train station.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to send you home?” Woohyun asked, worried. “What if you faint on the way home?” 

“Yes,” Howon said firmly, unbuckling his seatbelt. “And I’m perfectly fine. Worry about yourself a little more. Your dark circles are going to be larger than your eyes soon.” 

Woohyun smiled.

Howon sighed, deciding not to comment on how silly Woohyun looked grinning like a dork and got out of the car. 

“Your ears are still red!” was the last thing he heard from Woohyun before the car rolled off.  
.  
.  
.  
“He said that? Puahahahaha!” 

“Dongwoo-hyung, you’re too loud,” Howon whispered urgently, trying not to look around at the stares directed in their direction. 

Sunggyu calmly took a napkin and slapped it over Dongwoo’s mouth, muffling his laughter. “There.”

“Hyung, now you look like a weirdo!” Howon resisted the urge to walk out of the restaurant. Dongwoo was thrashing against Sunggyu’s hand, and nearly knocked the water jug on their table over. “Stop it!” 

“Ok, ok.” Dongwoo calmed down, holding his stomach, and Sunggyu let go of him. “Ouch.” 

“Are you sure you should be meeting Woohyun, though?” Sunggyu asked. “What if you two get caught?”

“Caught by whom?” Howon asked. 

“You know, the paparazzi.” Dongwoo made camera snapping motions with his fingers. “And then you’ll be all over the news again!” 

“We’re not newsworthy,” Howon said firmly. “Anyway, Woohyun hired a PR firm to take care of such things.” 

Sunggyu eyed him dubiously, but said nothing. 

“Woohyun’s still in the news, though,” Dongwoo said. “Seouldae’s tennis team got a lot better after he started coaching them.” He grinned. “Almost as good as we used to be.” He sighed blissfully. “Woohyun invited me to visit anytime I wanted to, to help out. Too bad I have to prepare my students for their upcoming dance competition, or I’d definitely go visit. Tweak their training menus a little.” He cracked his knuckles and licked his lips.

Howon shuddered as he thought of Dongwoo’s weird training style, which was hellish but strangely effective. “You still keep in touch with Woohyun too?” He knew Sunggyu did, but he didn’t know Woohyun and Dongwoo still communicated. 

Dongwoo looked at Howon strangely. “Of course. He’s part of the Seouldae Tennis Family,” he said, emphasizing each word. “Even when he was busy competing, he still found time to reply to my messages. He was better about it than you!” He pointed a finger at Howon. “Mr I-have-an-emergency-no-phones-allowed Dr Lee Howon.” 

“But hyung, you know where I work,” Howon complained. “I don’t get to skive during work.”

“And I also know that 75% of your emergency cases aren’t really emergencies,” Dongwoo said sweetly. “Of course it’s important to work hard and save lives, but you need to live a little.” 

“Hyung,” Howon complained, looking to Sunggyu for help, but Sunggyu merely shook his head. 

“Dongwoo is right, you know,” Sunggyu said. “Most people don’t stay in A&E for long because the shift schedule is killer and the workload is crazy. Either you’re dealing with a bunch of hypochondriacs or you get a whole load of critical patients all at once. Aren’t you due for a sabbatical?” 

Howon set his jaw stubbornly. “I can handle it. I like the stress.” 

Dongwoo shook his head. “You like it, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend won’t.” 

“I don’t have one,” Howon said. 

“Exactly!” Dongwoo punched the air. “Exactly my point! No life, no boyfriend.”

“I dated before, hyung,” Howon pointed out. “And they knew I was an A&E doctor.”

“Uh-huh, and where are they now? They’ve vanished!” Dongwoo made starbursts with his hands. “Ka-poof.” 

“Talking to you is harder than talking to Joonhee,” Howon complained. “Sunggyu-hyung, make him go away.” 

“Joonhee? Woohyun’s kid? That kid is so adorable. He’ll grow up to be a heartbreaker just like his dad.” Dongwoo sighed. 

“So, is Woohyun chasing you?” Sunggyu asked bluntly, and Howon nearly spat out his soju. 

“Sunggyu-hyung!” he protested, coughing and grabbing a tissue to wipe his mouth with.

“Mm, using the adorable kid to snag the cutie doctor,” Dongwoo said thoughtfully. “Good strategy.”

“Dongwoo-hyung!” Howon buried his face in his hands. 

“It’s obvious, you know,” Sunggyu said practically. “Maybe not to the average person, but we’ve seen the two of you dance circles around each other before dating.” 

Dongwoo nodded. “Your dance patterns are a little different this time round, but they’re pretty much the same. Woohyun annoys Howon. Howon gets mad. Woohyun acts cute. Howon gets madder. Woohyun kisses Howon. Howon...kisses back?” He made kissing noises.

“Shut up,” Howon hissed. “It’s not like that at all. That’s what kids in kindergarten do.” 

“Well, you used to tell me Woohyun never graduated from kindergarten, so I don’t quite see your point,” Sunggyu said dryly. 

Howon sighed. “We’re not dating. He’s just doing whatever he wants.” 

“And you? Why are you meeting him, if you’re not interested in him?” Sunggyu asked. 

“Because he’s a good friend? Well, he was one, and I don’t mind keeping up the friendship if he wants to,” Howon replied. 

Dongwoo snorted. “Lies. You two were never really friends. You went from bickering tennis doubles partners to bickering dating couple like ZOOOOM!” He mimicked a plane taking off with his hands, nearly toppling the soju bottle.

“If you’re not interested in him, why haven’t you told him?” Sunggyu asked, catching the bottle reflexively and slapping Dongwoo’s hands.

“Because he insists I’m lying,” Howon replied. They’d gone out a few more times since their breakfast date, mostly for meals and once, a movie (although Howon had fallen asleep halfway through). Even though Howon insisted firmly to a bemused Woohyun that these weren’t dates, Woohyun always ignored him. 

“Howon-ah, even though you claim you’ve lost contact with Woohyun, it seems like he still knows you pretty well,” Dongwoo remarked. 

“What do you mean?” Howon asked, peeved. 

“Well, your tongue has always been sharp enough to cut diamond,” Dongwoo said. “But your heart’s always been softer than tofu. And obviously Woohyun still remembers that. Mm, I want soondubu stew.” He pressed the table buzzer and hollered his order to the waitress, who acknowledged him with a wave of her hand. 

Howon looked down. “I’ve said some really nasty things to him,” he admitted. He pretended it didn’t affect him, but whenever he laid in bed and tried to sleep, the cutting, harsh words he’d said to Woohyun came back to haunt him. 

“He needed to hear some of those words,” Sunggyu said. “But he’s been trying very hard to change parts of himself for the better. I don’t think he’s doing it simply to date you - most of it’s for Joonhee, I think. But doesn’t his change move you at all?” 

“What about you, hyung?” Howon shot back. “Doesn’t it impress you?” 

“It does, but I’m not the one denying that I’m in love with Nam Woohyun,” Sunggyu said calmly. “Plus I’m happily married, in case you forgot.” 

Dongwoo sniggered. “Don’t look at me either. I’m loud and proud about my love for Lee Yejin.” He sighed. “Now I just need to earn enough to put a ring on her finger.”

Howon pouted. “Why is this all about me again?” he complained. “What about you two?” Then he had a nasty thought. “Did Woohyun put you two up to this?”

Dongwoo and Sunggyu exchanged glances. “No, he didn’t,” Sunggyu said. “But his eyes glow whenever he talks about you.” 

“Glow…?” Howon said uncertainly. 

Dongwoo nodded. “You weren’t at his wedding, so you wouldn’t know, but even at his wedding, when he looked all happy and stuff, he never glowed. But now even when he’s just talking about you verbally beating him up he’s smiling and radiant.” 

“It’s almost vomit-inducing,” Sunggyu commented, nodding. 

“So you should just put him out of his misery and date him,” Dongwoo said, satisfied. “Then both of you can glow together. Case closed, and they all lived happily ever after. The end. Applause, please.” He clapped for himself proudly. 

Howon bit his lip. “It’s not that simple,” he said softly. “There’re so many challenges in the way. There’s Joonhee, and his late wife, and the public, and my job…”

“And so?” Sunggyu countered. “There’ll always be challenges. It’s just how you choose to handle them. Whether you choose to fight or flee.” 

Dongwoo nodded. “When you were competing with Woohyun in doubles, you two faced many strong competitors – remember that crazy switcheroo pair from Japan – but you never backed down from the fight. You never gave up just because the challenge was difficult. And you won. So why can’t you do the same now?”

“But that’s just a tennis competition,” argued Howon. 

“So if you can fight so hard to win a measly tennis competition,” said Dongwoo, “shouldn’t you do the same for your life?”  
.  
.  
.  
Ring ring, ring ring ring. 

“Hello?” 

Howon held the phone loosely, slumped in his office chair. 

“Howon?” 

“Yeah, it’s me,” Howon said tiredly. “Can we postpone our dinner?”

“Why?” 

“I...I’m…” Howon tried to grip the phone tighter, but he didn’t feel like he had the strength to. 

“Rough shift?” 

“...yeah.” 

“I’ll come pick you up. I’ll go to the staff basement car park, ok?” 

“But. I’m really tired.” 

“Car accident?”

“Yes. Family of 4.” 

“All the more you need someone to take care of you, Howon-ah. Someone needs to heal the healer.” 

Howon dug his fingernails into his palm, trying not to cry at the emotion his warm words elicited. “...’kay.” 

“Give me ten minutes. And stay on the phone with me.” 

“...”

“You don’t have to talk, just breathe a little louder so I know you’re still there.” 

“Mm.”  
.  
.  
.  
“You shouldn’t get out of the car - people might see,” Howon complained even as he accepted Woohyun’s help in getting into the car. 

Woohyun shielded Howon’s head from knocking into the car door frame. “And let you knock a giant hole in your head? That wouldn’t be gentlemanly at all. Plus it’d be a pain to get blood out of my leather car seats.” 

Howon refused to reply, sinking into the plush car seat and closing his eyes. Woohyun shut his door and ran back to his side, getting in and driving off. 

“Where do you want to go?” asked Woohyun. 

“Don’t know,” Howon murmured, an arm flung over his eyes. “But not home. Where’s Joonhee?” 

“With his maternal grandparents for the weekend,” Woohyun said. 

“That’s nice.” 

“We could go to my place and I could cook?” Woohyun offered. 

Howon lifted his arm to shoot Woohyun a glare. “I’m tired, not stupid. No. I'm sure there'll be fangirls or reporters loitering around.” 

“Awww,” Woohyun grumbled. “Hm, I think I’ve got it.” He patted Howon’s thigh. “Sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get there.” 

“You can’t kidnap me,” Howon felt compelled to point out through a giant yawn. “Sunggyu-hyung knows that I’m meeting you tonight. If I disappear, he'll call the police...”

“Yes, yes, now sleep.” 

When Howon woke, the sun had set completely and they were in an open-air car park overlooking the Han River. 

“Awake?” Woohyun turned to him, munching on fried chicken. 

Howon blinked, seeing a giant box of fried chicken balanced on Woohyun’s lap. “You ordered delivery?” 

“Yep,” Woohyun said cheerfully. “I got it delivered to my mother’s restaurant and then I swung by to pick it up, before heading here.” 

Howon stretched a little. “If we eat in here, the smell’s going to linger and stick to your car seats,” he pointed out. “Let’s eat outside.” 

“Sure. Grab the beer, it’s in the backseat.” 

They found a quiet, dark bench to park themselves on, out of the way of joggers and cyclists. Howon fastidiously cleaned his hands with antiseptic wipes before tucking in. 

“Feel better?” Woohyun asked after Howon had devoured five pieces of chicken without stopping. 

“A little.” Howon opened a can of beer, drinking from it. “The food helps.” 

“You didn’t eat lunch again, did you?” Woohyun said chidingly. 

“No,” Howon said. “Couldn’t. Right when I was about to get something to eat, they got wheeled in.” He looked down. 

“But if you’re ill with gastric, you won’t be able to help them either,” Woohyun said, concerned. 

“But if I really went to eat instead of helping them, and they died, I’d wonder if things would have turned out differently. Every second counts.” Howon grabbed another piece of chicken, biting into it. “In the end, though, I still couldn’t help them. They were too critically injured. I lost one moments after arrival and one during surgery. I heard the other two people are still critical and unlikely to make it through the night.” 

Woohyun put a hand on Howon’s shoulder, then pulled it away quickly. “S-Sorry,” he said hastily. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

Howon smiled wistfully. “It’s part of the job, so it's not the first time and it won't be the last. I just wish I could save everyone.” 

“It’s not your fault if they are too badly injured to be saved by medical skills,” Woohyun said. 

“I know it isn’t,” Howon said. “But try telling that to their distraught relatives…” He trailed off, and Woohyun knew he was remembering the time when they’d met so tragically at the A&E. 

“I’m sorry,” Woohyun said quietly. “I’ll say it as many times as you need me to – as a doctor, as a friend, as a person – you didn’t deserve the way I lashed out at you that day. I’m sorry.” 

Howon nodded. “It’s alright. I’ve had worse things said about me, actually,” he said quietly. “So have my colleagues. Sometimes they apologize, sometimes they threaten to sue, sometimes they sue.” He shrugged. “I guess it’s part of the price for wanting this job.” 

“Hey,” Woohyun said, worried at the way Howon’s thoughts had become dark. “That’s true, but don’t forget about the lives you save too. You’re needed.” 

Howon took another gulp of beer. “I know that. But sometimes, I need to let myself wallow in angst for a little while.”

“Just for a little while, right?” Woohyun asked anxiously. “You’re not...suicidal or depressed, are you?”

Howon chuckled. “No, I’m pretty sure I’m not.” He smiled at Woohyun. “Thanks for hearing me out.” 

Woohyun gazed back at Howon, looking a little dazed. 

“What?” asked Howon. “Is there something on my face?” 

“No, it’s just…your smile – I mean.” Woohyun shook his head. “I’m honoured that you would confide in me like this. Especially after...you know, everything that happened.”

“Well, we’ve been spending a lot of time together,” Howon said. “So I suppose we’ve gotten close again.” 

Woohyun beamed, bright enough that Howon could see it even though the lighting was dim. Was this what Dongwoo was referring to, when he said Woohyun glowed around him? 

“Then, in exchange,” Woohyun said, somehow managing to sound confident yet shy at the same time, “can I ask you a question?” 

“I guess?” Howon said, confused. “Well, you can ask.” 

“Are you still dating that Inguk guy?” Woohyun asked nervously. 

Howon stared at him for a long moment. 

“I mean, I know you said it was a personal question, and I don’t have the right to ask personal questions of you because we’re not friends, but…” Woohyun’s shoulders sank. “It still bugs me. Plus you keep saying we’re not dating, we’re just hanging out as friends so I always wonder if you’re dating someone else and that’s why you say that to me–” 

Woohyun’s rant was cut off abruptly as Howon shoved a piece of fried chicken into his mouth. He flailed, half choking half chewing and finally managed to swallow. “Yah!” he gasped, coughing.

“Hah, and Dongwoo-hyung said you knew me well,” Howon muttered. “As if.” 

“So – you’re still dating him?” Woohyun looked crushed. 

“...no.” Howon resisted the urge to smack Woohyun. “If I were dating him, why would I spend so much time with you? Use your brain a little, please.”

“So - you’re not dating him?” Woohyun said eagerly. 

“I was dating him,” Howon said, “but we broke up. Just before I met you again.” 

“Oh.” Woohyun tried not to look too happy. “But – why?” 

Howon shrugged. “He couldn’t handle the level of commitment I wanted,” he said, keeping his voice deceptively casual. “Something like that. I heard he’s dating a girl now.”

“Oh.” Woohyun frowned. “That sucks.”

“Well, I’m glad we broke up before things went too far,” Howon said lightly. “So it’s not that bad, I guess. We were only dating for about four months.” 

“That’s true, since that means I get to sit here and eat chicken and drink beer with you.” Woohyun grinned. 

Howon couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re easily satisfied, aren’t you?” 

“Mm, for now,” Woohyun said. “For now.”  
.  
.  
.  
“By the way, I won’t be in Seoul this weekend - I’m flying to Tokyo for a conference,” Howon said as they packed up and returned to the car. “So don’t message me, I won’t get it. And don’t call me or I’ll make you pay for the international charges.”

“Oh!” Woohyun said. “I’ll be in Tokyo too, from Thursday onwards. We’re having a training camp and practice matches with Seishun University. It’s until Saturday. When’s your conference until?” 

“Sunday morning,” Howon said. “My flight’s in the late evening though, so I can do some sightseeing and shopping before that.” 

Woohyun’s eyes gleamed. “I think I’ll extend my stay there.” 

Howon rolled his eyes. “Do whatever you want.” He dumped the rubbish into the rubbish bin and walked off, away from Woohyun’s car. 

“Hey, not that way! My car’s over there!” Woohyun ran after him.  
.  
.  
.  
Even though Howon refused to give Woohyun any information about his conference, Woohyun still turned up at his hotel room on Saturday night with a sunny smile and his luggage. 

“Can I come in?” he asked sweetly. 

“No,” Howon said emphatically. “You’re rich enough to buy the whole hotel, go book your own room and stay away from me.” 

“So mean,” Woohyun pouted. “I knew you’d say that, so I booked the room next to yours.” 

“Is there no concept of privacy anymore?” Howon grumbled. 

“Tomorrow, your conference finishes after lunch – I’ll meet you outside your hotel room at 2 pm! Wear something light!” Woohyun said bossily. 

“I wanted to catch up on sleep…” Howon yawned. 

“No! You’re in Tokyo and you want to sleep? Nope, I’m taking you somewhere.” Woohyun grinned. 

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise~”  
.  
.  
.  
“...just to make sure, Woohyun, you didn’t stash Joonhee in your bag or something, did you?”

“Mm, no, of course not. He’s back in Seoul with my parents. Probably being introduced to the joys of barbecued meat.”

“So why are we at Tokyo Disneyland?” Howon stared at the colourful stores lining Main Street. 

Woohyun smiled at him mischievously. “To relive our childhood?” He tugged at Howon’s hand. “Come on!” 

They dared each other to ride the rollercoasters without screaming (Woohyun lost), ride the It’s A Small World ride without cringing (Howon lost), lined up to meet Mickey Mouse and take photos with him and ate a ton of popcorn and other unhealthy snacks.

“I need to go soon, Woohyun,” Howon finally said. “I still need to go back to the train station and get my luggage, before transiting to the airport.” 

“I have to go to the airport too. But first, one more ride.” Woohyun tugged him along, and Howon reluctantly followed, dragging his heels a little to make it difficult for Woohyun. 

He completely dug his heels in, stunned, when he saw what ride Woohyun had in mind. 

“...Dumbo?” Great big winged elephants soared out on long metal bars, arranged in a circle. Howon blinked. “You brought me to the flying elephant ride?” 

“Yup!” Woohyun nodded. “Come on, let’s queue.” 

“I’m not going to squeeze into a seat with you,” Howon shook his head. “We’d look ridiculous, squashed into one flying elephant.”

Woohyun tilted his head. “Would you rather take it yourself? I don’t mind, then I can take photos of you.” 

Howon weighed his potential embarrassment at both situations and decided to choose the lesser evil. “Fine, we’ll take it together.” 

They managed to squeeze themselves into an elephant seat and buckle up. 

“Why this ride, though?” Howon asked as the ride started and Woohyun immediately prodded repeatedly at the button that would take their elephant high into the air. 

Then he remembered a certain conversation they had years ago about elephants and riding a flying elephant in particular. 

“You...You’re trying to fulfil my childhood dream? So the whole point of coming to Disneyland was to ride on Dumbo?” Howon looked at Woohyun’s dorky grin, and knew he was spot on. 

“Uh-huh.” Woohyun nodded. “Did I succeed? Do you feel fulfilled?”

Howon looked away from Woohyun, fighting a smile. “You’re silly,” he said. It didn’t quite have the usual bite that his insults had, though, and Woohyun knew it. 

They spent the rest of the ride in contented silence, Woohyun happily playing with the button to make their elephant soar up and down. Howon looked at him, smiled a little, and made his decision. 

On the way back to the train station, Woohyun was fiddling with his phone, trying to get internet, when suddenly he got a call. 

“Gyu-hyung?” Woohyun read off the phone screen. “Huh.” He picked up the call. “Hyung?” 

“Is Howon with you?” Sunggyu asked urgently. 

“Yeah, he is. We’re about to go to the airport,” Woohyun said, confused. “What’s up?”

“Don’t go - stay another night in Tokyo, and change your flight. Both of you.” 

“Why, hyung?” Woohyun asked, anxious. “What happened?” 

“Both of you are in the news again. The press have caught wind that you’re together in Tokyo, and they’re waiting at the airport.” 

Howon had taken out his phone while Woohyun was on the phone with Sunggyu, and when Woohyun hung up, he found Howon staring at his phone, his face pale. 

“Woohyun,” he said, voice shaky. He turned the phone screen so Woohyun could see the article. “There’s...they’ve...it’s everything.” 

Woohyun grabbed the phone, browsing through the article. Reporters had been following them on nearly every single date they’d been on – the only one they’d missed was the meeting at Woohyun’s mother’s restaurant. They even had photos of their picnic dinner on the park bench at the Han River.

And as if the headlines weren’t bad enough – “WIDOWER NAM WOOHYUN ALREADY HOOKING UP WITH OLD FLAME SIX MONTHS AFTER HIS WIFE’S DEATH?!”, the nasty comments were starting to flood in. 

Woohyun took a deep breath, turning off the phone screen. “Let’s – Let’s get our things and find a place to stay first,” he said.  
.  
.  
.  
They took a room in one of the Disney hotels, Howon booking the room and both of them separately taking the lift to the room. 

When they were both safely inside, Woohyun locked and bolted the door, before collapsing on one of the beds. “What a mess,” he groaned. He pulled out his phone. “I need to tell my mother I’m not going back tonight, and then call my PR firm and demand a refund.” He glanced over at Howon, trying to gauge his reaction to the lame joke.

Howon sat on the other bed, silently staring at his phone and reading his messages. Woohyun couldn’t tell how he felt about the whole fiasco, and it made him nervous. He cleared his throat. “Um, Howon…”

Howon’s phone buzzed and he swiped over the screen to pick up the call. “Hello?”

Whoever was on the other side was so loud that Woohyun could hear yelling coming from the phone. Howon winced and pulled the phone slightly away from his ear. “Yes, Dr. Han, I am aware of the situation.” He looked at Woohyun and mouthed ‘boss’. Woohyun cringed. He got off the bed and moved to the one Howon was sitting on, trying to offer moral support. 

Howon continued to listen. “Yes, I’ve been meeting him,” he said quietly. 

Woohyun mustered up his courage and took Howon’s free hand. Howon let him, distracted by the phone conversation. 

“I’m in Tokyo with him right now. He was in Tokyo for a training camp and we had some time before our flight. I’m not working.” 

The yelling got louder, and Woohyun rubbed his hand in sympathy.

“Stop seeing him? Why?” Howon’s voice was icy. “Bad publicity for our hospital? We provide medical care; we’re not an entertainment company.” 

“Dr. Han, it’s my personal life, and has no bearing on my skills as a doctor,” Howon continued. He sounded calm, but Woohyun could tell that he was getting upset. He wondered if he should stop meeting Howon for a while, to take the heat off him. 

Howon unconsciously straightened his back, looking absolutely furious. “I will not stop meeting him just because the management deems it prudent. Nor will I allow the hospital to issue a statement on my behalf denying the rumours.” 

Woohyun feared the conversation was going somewhere dangerous, and he waved his hands in front of Howon’s face, trying to stop him or calm him down. But Howon batted his hands away and continued, voice steely. 

“Because they’re not completely untrue, Dr. Han. I like Woohyun, and I do intend to date him.” 

Woohyun froze, hands in the air. 

“And if you’re not happy with that, I’ll be more than happy to tender my resignation once I return to Seoul. Good night, Dr. Han.” Howon hung up, huffing a sigh of frustration. He then looked over and realised Woohyun was in shock. “What is it?” 

“You – like – date?” Woohyun spluttered. “Me?”

“Um, yeah.” Howon put a hand on the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I wanted to tell you properly, but all this happened, and my boss made me really upset. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you first–”

His eyes widened as Woohyun cupped his face in his hands, leaning in so their foreheads touched. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he breathed out, sounding relieved and happy. “It’s ok.” He pulled back a little, gazing at Howon. His thumb brushed the corner of Howon’s lip. 

Howon leaned in and kissed him, tilting himself forward as Woohyun’s hands slid from his face to wrap around his waist. He let himself melt into the warmth of Woohyun’s embrace and the softness of his lips against his. He knew he’d insisted that whatever they had in the past was dead and buried, but kissing Woohyun felt like coming home after a long time away, awkward and uncertain yet familiar and comforting all at once. 

“Thank you,” Woohyun murmured against his lips, eyes luminous, and Howon knew he was going to cry. “I don’t deserve–”

Howon kissed him harder to shut him up; words could wait.  
.  
.  
.  
They leaned back against the headboard of the bed, seated side by side. 

Woohyun shifted so his right side was pressed up against Howon’s left side, taking Howon’s left hand into his right hand. He’d finally gotten what he wanted, what he’d been chasing for so long, but now he didn’t know what to do. He had Howon’s love, but Howon had lost his privacy, might lose his job, and worse, his whole life might be turned upside down now. 

Howon squeezed his hand. “I can hear you thinking from here,” he chided him. “Aren’t you even going to celebrate?” 

“I’m – I’m really happy, of course, but – I feel guilty,” Woohyun confessed. “All those pictures from what were supposed to be private moments…” 

“Yah, it’s not like you gave them permission to stalk us and take those photos,” Howon said. “Don’t blame yourself.” 

Woohyun sighed. “This wouldn’t happen if I weren’t the former world no. 1,” he complained. “I’m sorry.” 

Howon gave him a bewildered look, and then started laughing. 

“What?” Woohyun asked. “What’s so funny?” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone apologizing for being a world champion,” he snickered. “But I appreciate the thought.” 

“It’s not funny,” Woohyun said, upset. “What about your job?” 

Howon shrugged. “He can threaten me all he wants – I’m pretty tired of working there, anyway. I love the work, but this whole fiasco has just shown me how much they care about the hospital’s image rather than the actual care of their patients.” 

“But if you quit, where will you work?” Woohyun asked anxiously. "And will they blacklist you?"

Howon shrugged. “I haven’t thought that far yet,” he said wryly. 

Woohyun’s phone buzzed, and they tensed, afraid it was another phone call with bad news. 

Fortunately, it was just Woohyun’s mother. “Mum,” Woohyun said, picking up the video call. 

“Are you ok, Woohyun-ah?” she asked, sounding worried. “We’ve closed the restaurant because there are a bunch of reporters hanging around trying to get interviews with us. Your agency is sending a security team to escort us to your house to stay, since it’s more secure.” 

“That’s good. I’m alright,” Woohyun replied, angling the phone so Howon came into view. 

“Is that Howonnie?” she asked. “You two are really together, like the reporters said?” 

“Well, we were hanging out at Disneyland, yes, but now – as of ten minutes ago – we’re dating,” Woohyun said, grinning foolishly. "We're hiding in in a hotel room in case there are any reporters lurking around."

“Hi, Mother,” Howon said bashfully. 

Her gaze softened and she smiled lovingly. “I’m glad,” she said sincerely. “No wonder you look so happy.” 

“Mum, is Joonhee there? I want to see him,” Woohyun said. 

“Ah, yes.” She beckoned to someone off screen, and then Joonhee was clambering into her lap, eyes wide as he looked at Woohyun and Howon’s video images. “Daddy? Doctor?” 

“Hi, Joonhee,” Howon waved. 

“Joonhee, are you ok?” Woohyun asked. 

Joonhee nodded. “But I miss Daddy,” he said, pouting. “You said you were coming home today.”

“I know, but I have to stay another night. I’ll be home tomorrow,” Woohyun coaxed him. “And I’ll bring Doctor – Uncle Howon to visit you.” 

“Uncle Howon?” Joonhee tilted his head curiously. “Who’s that?” 

“Uncle Howon.” Woohyun pointed to Howon. “Your favorite doctor.” 

“But he’s Doctor,” Joonhee insisted. 

“Uncle Howon,” Woohyun said stubbornly. 

“Doctor!” Joonhee was just as stubborn. 

“Woohyun, I don’t think you want to fight with your son over a video call,” Howon intervened. He smiled at Joonhee. “Joonhee, we’ll see you tomorrow, promise.” 

“Why are you Uncle Howon? You’re Doctor,” Joonhee demanded imperiously. 

“I think what your Daddy means is that I am a doctor, but I have a name, and we’re close, so you can call me Uncle,” Howon said carefully. “I’ll explain it all to you tomorrow, ok?” 

Joonhee thought a while, then nodded. “Ok.” He waved. “Bye bye Daddy, bye bye Doctor.” 

“Bye, Joonhee,” they said in unison. 

Woohyun’s mother looked amused. “We’ll see you tomorrow at your house, Woohyun-ah. Take care of Howonnie, Woohyun.” 

“And what about me?” he whined. 

“You can take care of yourself,” she said mercilessly. “Bye, Howon-ah.” 

“Bye, Mother,” Howon said. 

Woohyun ended the call, sulking. “She always liked you better than me,” he complained. 

Howon rolled his eyes and pecked Woohyun on the cheek. “But I like you better than her. Happy?” 

Woohyun instantly broke into a silly grin, dropping the sulky pout. “Happy,” he agreed. Then he sobered. “Howon, what about your parents?”

“I texted them a while ago,” Howon said. “Before my boss called. I told them I’ll explain everything when I come back, and not to talk to any reporters. I think they’re quite safe though, in Busan.”

“If they need anything, let me know,” Woohyun said. “I don’t want them to be harassed because of this.” 

“She didn’t say they were, just that she had read the news and was worried about us,” Howon said. “So I think they’re alright.” 

“That’s good.” Woohyun stretched. “We probably should reschedule our flight.” 

“Yeah, and order room service,” Howon said, hopping off the bed to search for the room service menu. “I’m hungry.” 

Woohyun looked at Howon intently. “And after eating dinner?” 

“Shower, and then sleep,” Howon said absently, flipping through the menu. “I’m tired.” 

Woohyun flopped on the bed in despair. “I’m not.” 

“I don’t know why you aren’t, considering how we ran all over Disneyland in an afternoon…” Howon trailed off, looking thoughtfully at Woohyun. “Ah.” 

Woohyun looked up at him hopefully. 

“No.” Howon shut the menu with a snap and tossed it to Woohyun. 

Woohyun folded his arms and sulked. 

“Yah, it’s our first day as a couple,” Howon said. “And we’ve already kissed and have to spend the night in the same room. Let’s take things a little slower.” He hummed. “And don’t even think about bringing up whatever we’ve done in the past. It’s called ‘the past’ for a reason.” 

“I am so whipped,” Woohyun groaned. 

“Glad you know that,” Howon said sweetly.  
.  
.  
.  
Howon and Woohyun sat in the car as it sped towards Seoul National University Hospital. They’d managed to avoid the reporters at both Haneda & Gimpo Airport by going via the VIP entrances, but they weren’t sure what kind of reception they would have at the hospital. Woohyun had wanted to go home first, but Howon insisted on getting the meeting with his boss over and done with. 

“Woohyun, your PR agency is also waiting for you to vet their statement about this matter,” Sungjong said, seated next to the driver up in front. He'd been with Woohyun since Woohyun's pro debut sevenyears ago.

Woohyun nodded. “Ok. Thanks, Sungjong-hyung.”

Sungjong glanced at them via the rearview mirror, looking haggard but also a little amused. “Seven years, and it seems like both of you have come full circle,” he remarked. “I still wonder sometimes how your doubles pair would have shaken up the world tennis arena.” 

“Howon’d have probably left me halfway to carve out his own tennis career,” Woohyun joked. “He was always better than I was.” 

Howon smiled slightly, but said nothing. Woohyun knew he was thinking about the looming meeting and squeezed his hand comfortingly. 

The car rolled to a stop in the staff basement carpark, which was thankfully quiet and empty, without any reporters. Howon got out. “I’ll be back soon.” 

“Wait.” Woohyun got out too. “I’m coming along.” 

“You can’t,” Howon said. “The meeting’s just between me and them.”

“No,” Woohyun insisted stubbornly. “I’m not letting you do this alone. What if they threaten you or say that you said certain things when you didn’t? It’d be your word against theirs.” 

Howon sighed. “This is only our second day as a couple, you know,” he reminded Woohyun. “Don’t you think you’re being too forward?”

“I don’t care,” Woohyun said mutinously. “I won’t let you go in there alone. Let’s go.” 

Howon gave up and let him follow. He scanned his staff pass and the lift took them up to the management floor, where Dr. Han was already waiting for them, together with the Executive Director of the company, Dr Byun. 

Howon greeted them, and introduced Woohyun. They looked a little startled at having Woohyun there, but soon returned to their impassive expressions. 

They sat down in a conference room, a large table in between them. 

“So,” Dr. Han began. “This has caused severe inconvenience to our hospital operations.” He fixed Howon with a look. “We’ve had to engage additional security to fend off the reporters.”

“Isn’t that what we normally do when we have to treat celebrities?” Howon replied. “It doesn’t seem like an anomaly.” 

“Still, this scandal implicates one of our employees,” he went on. “And it’s different, because you’re being accused of stealing Nam Woohyun away from his wife, and causing her death.”

Woohyun bristled. Under the table, Howon patted his thigh to make him calm down.

“If they’re accusing me of negligence, I believe the hospital can produce records and reports to show that I carried out my duty as an A&E doctor to the best of my ability,” Howon said. “For the record, I didn’t even know who she was until Woohyun-sshi’s entrance, which took place a few hours after she passed away."

“I will be making an official statement later,” Woohyun added. “You need not concern yourself with such rumours.” 

“But these rumours and accusations are very bad for our hospital’s image,” Dr. Han continued. “It would cause people and patients to lose faith in our hospital.” 

“Which is why, when you demanded that I deny any association with Nam Woohyun yesterday, I told you I would not and offered to resign,” Howon said. The Executive Director looked startled, turning to Dr. Han. Evidently he had not known of this. 

“Why did you do such a thing?” Dr. Byun said. “That’s uncalled for.” 

“My offer to resign still stands, if the hospital feels it cannot employ me,” Howon went on. 

“Please hold on,” Woohyun said. “I believe Dr. Byun is aware of my discussions with your hospital’s Corporate Social Responsibility Department.” 

He looked wary, but nodded. 

“I don’t know if you have been briefed in full, but the foundation I am intending to start in honour of my late wife would be in partnership with Seoul National University Hospital,” Woohyun continued. “A partnership that would become very unlikely should you force Howon to leave your employment.” 

Both Dr. Byun and Dr. Han looked alarmed. “Now, wait…” 

“After all, if you can’t believe Howon, and if you can’t believe me when I say that I have never cheated on my late wife, then I have no reason to have faith in this hospital to be able to administer my foundation properly,” Woohyun said, eyes steely and hard. “If you choose to believe in unsubstantiated rumours even when the victims of the said rumours are seated in front of you telling you otherwise, then I will have to inform my foundation's board of directors that I have serious doubts about the competence of your hospital’s staff to administer the foundation’s money and resources in an unbiased manner.” 

“Nam Woohyun,” Howon spoke up, sounding absolutely furious. “I don’t need your help–”

“I’m not doing this because I want you to continue to employ Howon,” Woohyun said, ignoring Howon’s interruption. “On the contrary, after seeing how you have treated him over the past few months that I caused him inconvenience – blaming him for this mess, even though the blame is mine, putting him on administrative duty, treating him like less than the doctor he is, and grossly interfering in his personal life – I’d rather he work somewhere else. You’ve been threatening to fire him as if Seoul National University Hospital is the only hospital in Seoul, but it isn’t. And if you can’t even treat your loyal employee properly, then I don’t see why my foundation should partner with your hospital in any capacity.” 

Dr. Byun had furrowed his eyebrows, looking over at Dr. Han, who was breaking out in a cold sweat. “I don’t recall you informing me of such treatment,” he said to him. “And I don’t believe that the management allowed you to make threats of termination against Dr. Lee.” 

“I can explain!” he spluttered. 

“Actually,” Woohyun said. “The fact that the Executive Director doesn’t know how Howon’s boss has been handling this matter is of even greater concern.” 

Howon had enough. He knew Woohyun was doing this for him, but he didn’t like this Woohyun at all. This Woohyun was cold and calculative and ruthless, probably born out of his long and lonely journey to the pinnacle of his sport. He didn’t like his boss, and certainly had issues with the way he had been treated, but he felt like he was made to hide behind Woohyun while Woohyun discussed the ‘important issues’ with his superiors. Not only that, the way Woohyun spoke and made veiled threats made Howon feel dirty and uncomfortable. 

He stood up. “Dr. Byun, with your permission, I’d like to take a week of unpaid leave while I consider my next move. I think that my not being around will also help the hospital to continue operating smoothly, while this dating scandal runs its course.” He bowed. “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience caused to my colleagues and the patients.” 

The director looked at him, a little relieved. “Yes, of course. If you still have paid leave, you can use it.”

“Then, I’ll be going.” Howon bowed again, turning to leave without even a glance at Woohyun. 

Woohyun bolted after him. “Yah, what are you doing–”

“Not here,” Howon cut him off, painfully aware of the looks they were getting from the staff in the office. 

Woohyun held his peace all the way down to the car park and until they'd got into the car and shut the doors, then he let loose. 

“Why did you just leave like that?” he demanded. “I was trying to help you!”

“Help me burn bridges?” Howon shot back. “Threaten my boss, and the management? I didn’t need you to do that for me!” 

“Like I said, it wasn’t for you,” Woohyun insisted. “It’s the clear, logical conclusion.”

“Yes, but you didn’t have to bring it up then,” Howon retorted. “It looks like you’re just trying to protect me. It looks like I can’t fight my battles on my own. And what’s this about a foundation?” 

Woohyun raked a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I was going to tell you,” he muttered. “I wanted to honour the memory of my late wife with something. So I thought of setting up a foundation in her name, for underprivileged children who need hospital care. When we were married, she’d done charity work with children, so I thought this would be a fitting way to remember her. I’d begun discussions with the hospital about the fund and how to administer it a while back.” 

“Why my hospital, though?” Howon pressed him. “There are other better hospitals out there, like Samsung Medical Center.” 

“Because you’re there,” Woohyun replied. “I know you’re good with children, and Sunggyu-hyung said you were considering specializing in paediatric medicine. I thought of getting you to be involved in the foundation.” 

“I see. And when were you going to actually tell me of my involvement?” Howon asked, voice icy. 

“After we came back from Tokyo,” Woohyun said. 

“You couldn’t have told me when you were discussing all this with Sunggyu-hyung?” Howon demanded. “Seriously? I’m not – I’m not a piece of meat to be thrown around, Nam Woohyun. Plus did you ever think about what it'd look like? Your current boyfriend running your late wife’s foundation? The press would have a field day!” 

“I never said you were a piece of meat." Woohyun looked frustrated. “I just wanted to help you.” 

“I’ve survived seven years on my own without you, I don’t think I need your help,” Howon spat. 

Woohyun looked like he wanted to reply, then sank back in his seat, looking exhausted. “Fine. I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You’re right, I should’ve informed you. And I shouldn’t have used the foundation to threaten your bosses.” 

The fight went out of Howon as he heard Woohyun’s quiet, exhausted apology. Almost instantly the guilt at saying such hurtful things to him welled up. 

Even so, it took him a while before he had cooled off enough to swallow his pride and apologize. “...I’m sorry too,” he said softly. “I know you were trying to protect me, in your own way. I just - I just really didn’t like the way you were speaking. I hated it. It didn’t sound like you.” 

“It’s part of the consequences of clawing my way to the top,” Woohyun said. "I've had to face people worse than them; people who'd chew you up and spit you out. The only way to make sure they can't bully you is to show them that you have just as much power and influence as them."

“But it makes you just like them,” Howon said. “And that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to use their own tactics against them. That would make me – make us no better than them. I’d rather just quit and find another job.” 

Woohyun’s eyes were full of concern. “But with the current public sentiment...it might be difficult,” he said. 

Howon shrugged. “Doctors are always in demand; I’ll eventually find a job somewhere. Otherwise, I’ll go back to medical school and specialise. Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.” 

After a moment’s hesitance, Woohyun reached out for Howon’s hand, and Howon let him, their entwined hands resting on the seat in between them in a peace-making gesture. 

In front, their driver and Sungjong breathed a quiet sigh of relief.  
.  
.  
.  
“But he’s Doctor! Not Uncle!” Joonhee yelled, jumping to his feet. He glared at his daddy and stomped his feet, on the verge of bursting into angry tears.

Woohyun groaned and buried his face in his hands. Howon patted his shoulder comfortingly. 

They’d returned to Woohyun’s home, put their luggage down, let Woohyun’s mother fuss over them and feed them, showered and changed (separately) and then sat Joonhee down on the living room sofa for The Talk. 

“Joonhee-yah,” Howon coaxed him. “Can’t I be Uncle-Doctor Howon? Doctor-Uncle Howon?”

“That’s weird,” both Woohyun and Joonhee declared simultaneously, making Howon roll his eyes. "Then you try," Howon said.

“Joonhee-yah,” Woohyun tried again. “I really like–”

“Hush, Woohyun,” Howon hissed. "You can't say that."

“But why?!” he demanded, in nearly the exact same tone Joonhee had used on him. “Why can’t I say it?” 

“It hasn’t even been two days,” Howon stated. “No.” 

Woohyun took a deep breath. “So what? It hasn’t even been two days, but I’m already certain I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He smirked, knowing he’d won as Howon blinked at him, struck speechless. 

“Joonhee-yah,” he said again, smiling charmingly at his son who was staring at him suspiciously. “You like Doctor, right?” 

Joonhee nodded warily. 

“I like Doctor very, very much too,” he said. “And I’m quite sure he likes me too.” He heard Howon snort. 

“Do you like Doctor more than me?” Joonhee asked uncertainly. 

“No, baby, no.” Woohyun left the sofa and gathered his son into his arms. He sat on the floor, cuddling Joonhee closely. “It’s a different kind of love. I love you very very much as your Daddy. But I love Doctor like…” 

“Like how you loved Mummy?” Joonhee looked up at him innocently. 

Woohyun pursed his lips and smiled sadly. “Yeah. Like that.” 

“But you didn’t spend a lot of time with Mummy,” Joonhee observed. "Or me. You didn't play with me."

“Yes, and I’m sorry for that,” Woohyun said, kissing his cheek. “I was very busy working, and I neglected the people who loved me the most, including you. Will you forgive me?”

Joonhee snuggled into Woohyun’s embrace. “I guess,” he said. 

“So, Doctor – Uncle Howon – came along after Mummy died, and I fell in love with him,” Woohyun continued. “And I want to spend the rest of my life with him.” 

Joonhee frowned. “And me?”

“Yes, Joonhee-yah, and you – until you get married and start your own family,” Woohyun ruffled his hair. 

“Is he...going to be Mummy?” Joonhee looked confused and anxious. 

Howon knelt down in front of them. “No, Joonhee,” he said gently, smiling at the kid. “I’m not going to replace Mummy. I’ll just be your Uncle Howon, and love and care for you like your Daddy loves and takes care of you.” 

Joonhee pursed his lips. “So Doctor would stay at home with us?”

“Yes, when I’m not working,” Howon said. 

“And play with me?” Joonhee asked. 

“Yes, I’ll play with you,” Howon confirmed. 

“Ok!” Joonhee said happily, his frown clearing up. “Uncle Howon!” 

Woohyun smiled and gathered both Joonhee and Howon into a big hug. “Thank you, baby,” he whispered. He knew, just as Howon did, that they would have more to go through – that when Joonhee grew older and smarter and learned more about the truth of his mother’s death, he could very well rebel and lash out at them. 

But right now – Woohyun just wanted to enjoy what they had. When the storms came, they’d resolve it – together.  
.  
.  
.  
They had a long discussion with Sungjong and his PR firm, and eventually decided to release a statement that was deliberately vague about whether or not they were in a relationship, while emphasizing that Woohyun had retired and pleading for privacy for themselves and their families. Predictably, the Internet exploded with many people taking sides, and many accusing them of nasty things. 

So they spent an Internet-free week at Woohyun’s home with his parents and Joonhee, resting, playing games, and enjoying their time together, away from the harsh scrutiny of strangers. Howon’s parents confirmed they were safe and gave them their blessings. Some of their old university tennis teammates came over to visit and drink (after Joonhee had gone to bed). Woohyun decided not to set up a charitable foundation and donated money to their alma mater to set up a scholarship for underprivileged students in his late wife's name, earning himself some goodwill with the public. It was a good week. 

But when the week came to an end, Howon was no closer to a decision than he had been at the start. 

“Have you decided?” Woohyun asked him. They’d gone to Woohyun’s bedroom after tucking Joonhee in for the night, lounging on the balcony. 

“No,” Howon said. “I haven’t.” 

“You could always quit and look after Joonhee full time,” Woohyun said, and Howon knew he was serious. “I have enough money to last us until retirement.” 

“That money should be kept for Joonhee’s education,” Howon said. 

“Yes, well, I have enough money to send Joonhee to Harvard five times over, and still have enough for us to retire,” Woohyun said solemnly, and Howon rolled his eyes. 

“That’s very nice, Woohyun, but I’d like to have my own source of income,” Howon said. “I don’t want to depend on you for money.” 

“I understand,” Woohyun said. “But I know it’s difficult for you now, as well.” He bit his lip, feeling guilty again over ruining Howon’s life. Maybe...Maybe it was a bad idea, to start dating so soon after his wife’s death. He didn’t mind if he got slammed by the public, but Howon was innocent. 

“Do you think we should stay away from each other for a while?” he suggested tentatively. “I mean, until things blow over.” 

Silence. Woohyun fidgeted nervously, already regretting his impulsive question.

Then, Howon opened his mouth. “Explain yourself.” 

“I mean, I know it’s hard on you, and I feel so guilty for practically destroying your life. Your parents were nice about it but I bet they’re secretly really mad at me for dragging you into this mess…” Woohyun rambled on and on, until Howon grabbed his face and turned Woohyun's head to face him. 

“Nam Woohyun.” 

Woohyun stopped rambling and looked at him. “Yes?”

“You know, for someone who loves talking, you’re really bad at communication,” Howon said wryly.

Woohyun blinked at him. “Um, explain yourself?” 

Howon sighed. “Of course I’m worried about my career,” he said. “But you didn’t force me into this relationship, I agreed to it on my own. So you can’t blame yourself completely for the decision I’m facing now. And more importantly, you’re making one-sided decisions for the both of us _again_.” Howon glared at him and Woohyun cringed. 

“But I remember you saying that your dream was to help people and save lives as a doctor,” Woohyun blurted out, pulling Howon's hands from his face and holding them tight in his own hands. “What if because of me, you never get to be a doctor again? Then I’d have ruined your dream.” 

“It’s true that I always wanted to save lives and become a doctor,” Howon said honestly. “But dreams can change. They change, because I change, and the people and the things that are important to me can change. Being a doctor and saving lives is important to me, but it’s nothing compared to the value I place on my family. And if we’re going to be a couple and raise Joonhee as a family, then you’d take priority over my dream to be a doctor. My dream would change – or rather – my dream to have a happy, healthy, loving family would take priority. And if that means I have to sacrifice my dream to be a doctor – or at least postpone it – then I’d gladly do it.” Howon smiled at him. “Just like how you sacrificed your career for Joonhee.”

“Howonnie…” Woohyun looked visibly touched, eyes brimming with tears. He clutched Howon’s hands to his chest. 

“But you’re being a little dramatic,” Howon said dryly. “Like I said, I’ll eventually be able to find a job as a doctor. It’s just a matter of where and what type of job. I wouldn’t mind becoming a normal general practitioner and seeing patients in a regular clinic.” He smiled dreamily. “Then at the end of the day I can come home and have dinner with both of you.” 

“That’s all you dream of?” Woohyun drew Howon closer. “A happy family eating dinner together?” 

“Mm, yeah,” Howon said. 

“I can think of one more thing I want,” Woohyun said. 

Howon rolled his eyes. “Me in your bed?” 

“Well, there’s that, but I wasn’t thinking of that,” Woohyun said. “I was thinking of exercise.”  
.  
.  
.  
“You want me to play doubles with you?” Howon said in disbelief. They were standing outside one of Seoul National University’s tennis courts, Woohyun holding two tennis rackets in his hands. Sunggyu sat crosslegged on the bench inside the court, dozing off, while Dongwoo chased Joonhee around the court, pretending to throw tennis balls at him. It’d been six months since Howon had moved in with Woohyun and quit his job. He’d taken a refresher course in general practice, and found a job in a clinic in a quiet neighbourhood once the fuss over him and Woohyun died down.

“Please?” Woohyun begged. “It’s been so long…” 

“That’s exactly the problem I have, Woohyun – it’s been ages since I’ve played tennis, let alone doubles!” Howon protested. “Yah, you could cream the two of them on your own - why do you have to involve me?” 

“But I want to play with you,” Woohyun grinned, delivering the nostalgic line dramatically. "Look, I even dragged Gyu-hyung out of bed to play with us. And Dongwoo-hyung rescheduled his dance class for us. You should hurry up and agree, or you’ll be late to open your clinic, and your patients will complain."

Howon fought the urge to smile and rolled his eyes. “I’m really rusty,” he insisted. “Also, don’t use my patients as an excuse – you could have scheduled this match on a weekend, when my clinic isn’t open.”

“Just one game?” Woohyun’s grin grew wider. “Just one game, and I won’t bug you anymore if you really don’t want to play.”

“That’s what you said ten years ago,” Howon reminded him. “And look where we are today.” 

“I think we did pretty well, for one game,” Woohyun said. “So? What’s it going to be?” He pulled out a black and white bandana and waved it around. “I even brought your bandana, so you can’t complain about getting hair in your eyes.”

“Ten years later, and I’m back where we started,” Howon sighed. “Fine. I’ll play. Just this one game.” He grunted as Woohyun happily flung his arms around him, and finally broke into a wide, happy grin.

_When our dreams come true one by one, and we meet again,  
The coincidences become destiny._


	2. Bedtime Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Woohyun's away, Joonhee has a conversation with his Uncle Howon.

Howon blinked as Joonhee trudged into his bedroom, rubbing his eyes and clutching a corner of his purple blanket which trailed after him. "What's wrong, Joonhee? Can't sleep?" He asked softly, putting aside his book. It was already 10 pm and he’d tucked Joonhee into bed at 8.30 pm.

Joonhee nodded forlornly, standing in front of Howon’s side of the bed. "I miss Daddy," he said unhappily. 

Howon picked Joonhee up and settled him on the bed together with his blanket. "Daddy's gone for a training camp and will be back tomorrow. You remember those hyungs and noonas that Daddy introduced you to, right?"

Joonhee nodded. "They pinched my cheeks and squealed weird things about me being cute," he grumbled. "I'm not cute, I'm already six years old."

Howon nodded solemnly. "I see. So yes, Daddy's with those people and he'll be back tomorrow."

Joonhee sulked. "Don't you miss Daddy too? Why aren't you sad?" he demanded, pouting.

"Of course I miss your Daddy. I love him as much as I love Joonhee. But I know he's working and he'll be home tomorrow. So what's there to be upset about?" Howon asked, stroking Joonhee’s hair.

Joonhee looked down, fiddling with the corner of his blanket. "What if Daddy doesn't come home?" he asked, voice wobbly.

Howon gasped in mock horror. "Why wouldn't he come home? Because he wanted to play secretly? Without us?" He exaggerated a look of horror and elicited a giggle from Joonhee. 

“No!” Joonhee giggled. “Daddy said he went to work!”

“Exactly.” Howon pulled Joonhee into his lap. "Daddy will definitely come home tomorrow. So you don't have to worry."

"Ok," Joonhee nodded. Then he looked at Howon thoughtfully. "You must miss Daddy a lot.”

“Hmm, why?” Howon asked, rocking Joonhee back and forth. 

“I sleep on my own in my big boy bed, but you and Daddy have to sleep together," Joonhee explained. “So you must be very lonely, now that Daddy isn’t here.”

Howon nodded. "Yeah, I'm very lonely at night." He made a sad face at Joonhee and the boy wriggled out of his arms and flung his arms around Howon’s neck, hugging him tightly.

"Don't be sad," the little boy declared confidently. "It's okay to sleep alone, there aren't any monsters or scary things under the bed. But I can sleep with you if you're scared."

Howon smiled. "I'd like that very much, Joonhee. Thank you for offering." He ruffled Joonhee’s hair and patted his back. "You're such a brave boy." 

"Yay!" Joonhee cheered and proceeded to make himself comfortable on the big bed next to Howon. Then he looked over at Howon again thoughtfully. "Uncle Howonnie, are you and Daddy together like how Daddy and Mummy were together? Like other Daddies and Mummies?"

"Mm, something like that," Howon replied. They'd agreed to slowly introduce the concept to Joonhee, through them and Joonhee’s therapist, but this was the first time Joonhee had brought the topic up without prompting. 

"Then why do I call Daddy Daddy and you Uncle Howon?" Joonhee questioned.

"Because I'm not your Mummy," Howon answered. 

Joonhee frowned. "Of course not. You're a guy, like Daddy. Can I call you Daddy?"

Howon was stunned into silence and didn't react until Joonhee got impatient and prodded his side. "Can I?"

"But - you have your Daddy," Howon said haltingly.

"Yeah, so why can't I have two Daddies?" Joonhee demanded. "Daddy Howonnie and Daddy Woohyun. Or Daddy Namu. He said I could call him that." 

Howon pulled Joonhee close and hugged him tightly. "Of course you can call me Daddy Howon if you want to," he whispered, choked up with emotion. 

"Good," Joonhee said, satisfied. "Let's sleep, Daddy. When we wake up, Daddy Namu will be home." He patted Howon's hand.  
.  
.  
.  
Howon was awakened at dawn when Woohyun quietly entered their room, leaning over him and turning on the bedside lamp beside Howon.

"Hi, Howonnie, " he said softly, kissing a sleepy Howon. "Joonhee slept with you?"

"Yeah, he missed you, but ended up comforting me instead," Howon replied, shifting over a little to make space for Woohyun.

"Oh? You missed me?" Woohyun said, sliding in behind Howon and gathering him and the sleeping Joonhee closer to him.

"According to Joonhee, I should miss you more, because he can sleep alone but I need to sleep together with you," Howon said amusedly.

"Mm, I did miss sleeping with you," Woohyun rumbled, his hand snaking around Howon's waist and pulling Howon's body to rest against his. "So I guess he's right."

Howon put a hand over Woohyun's before it could creep any lower on his abdomen. "He called me Daddy Howonnie," he said softly, feeling a lump in his throat.

"Oh, finally." Woohyun huffed a sigh of relief. "I've been hinting to him about having two Daddies for the longest time."

Howon slapped Woohyun's hand. "You put him up to it?"

"Yes." Woohyun kissed Howon's neck. "What's wrong? You're as much his parent as I am."

"...nothing, I guess," Howon admitted.

"So, are you happy?" Woohyun asked.

The last two years hadn't been easy for them at all. Despite their efforts, the news had broke about them being in a relationship and the criticism had been intense. Not only had Howon faced public criticism, he’d also had to deal with his own anxiety about entering into a relationship with Woohyun again. and all the accompanying consequences. It had been difficult, but there had been moments of happiness, moments spent with Woohyun or Joonhee or both of them. Moments like this very moment that made all the fear, anxiety, courage and trust worth it. 

Howon smiled contentedly, hugging Joonhee closer to him and snuggling into Woohyun’s warm embrace. "Yes."


End file.
